Legends has it that identical twins have some kind of secret connection that causes them–even if they’ve been separated at birth–to dress alike and marry the same kinds of people. With my sister the only secret connection was that for way too many years we didn’t like each other that much. That’s what makes today’s story very strange.
I don’t remember when this happened which means I don’t remember why were together–she was either still living at home and I was back from school or we were mysteriously back home at the same time. I also don’t remember what we were eating, but I think it was chili because the pan was on the table. Whatever it was and whyever it was, one of us, probably me, let loose a very light, I swear it was very light, belch. This prompted our mother to say something to the effect of “I guess I raised a couple kids without any manners.”
My sister and I looked at each other and the devils over my shoulders and both the angel and the devil over hers connected and without saying anything we both started violating every manner we could think of and it pretty much escalated.
We put our elbows on the table; gripped our spoons in our fists; shoveled in food; ate with our mouths open; talked with our mouths full; slurped; belched; ate out of the pan; put food back in the pan; ate off other plates; ate with our fingers; licked our fingers; licked our plates. In other words, we pretty much violated the 5th commandment about honouring thy mother and since she looked about ready to violate the 6th it was clear that our days might not be long upon the land. She still has not forgiven us.
In the end we proved a number of things:
1) We knew what manners to violate which meant we did in fact have a few table manners.
2) Mom had her hands full with us when we were growing up.
3) Mom should have been more specific about which manners we’d been raised without.
4) We are terrible people.
5) We stopped just in time.
Mom responded by suddenly saying something that sounded like: Spero vo et filii vestri, idem facere. (No really, she spoke Latin) which I think is a curse that means “I hope your children act the same as you.”
Our oldest and youngest have done a pretty good job holding up their part of the curse, although with their own unique spin. The oldest is good at doing what she wants until the last possible minute and if you give her a minute she’ll suddenly forget how to turn off electronics which is her excuse to continue using them until I walk up and hold the power button for five seconds or pull the batteries out (which is all to explain why she’s currently washing dishes at 11:25 p.m.). The youngest is good at delivering the right phrase right before supper that angers She Who Must Be Obeyed. (The phrase is different each time.)
The only thing we can do is move the curse on down the line.