One of the problems with the way the school where I work conducts its annual speech contest is you pretty much always know who’s going to win. That was especially true today, as the guy6 destined to win performed the speech that sent him to a national speech contest.

I served as head judge for the third year junior high school division of the speech contest. This involves standing up and smiling to random golf claps and then shaking hands and giving a short speech. (More on that in a minute.) My job is also stay awake during 28 speeches.

The speeches went well and the speech chairmen, who put the “chair” back in “chairmen” by almost never standing up, kept the pace up by calling the next speaker before the current speaker had reached his chair after leaving the stage.

A couple students choked, including one who swore under his breath and then panicked after everyone went “Ooooh” when the mic picked up his muttering. One of my students started out well and then panicked when he skipped a couple lines.

The winner had practiced his enough that he didn’t need his paper. He also has some acting training and has the presence, and the hair cut, to stand there looking pretty cool. The only battle, therefore, was for first loser. So to speak.

After all the speeches finished, there was very little time for the awards ceremony, the obligatory photo, and my comments. This was okay as my comments are usually ridiculously short anyway.

After my comments, everyone ran away to make room for the first year junior high division. I probably ran away faster than everyone else.