Category Archives: Japan

The Only Funny Thing

Events at the school where I work have brought back bad memories as colleagues have to rush home to care for loved ones in their final hours and after. This has me depressed so the only recourse right now is to make fun of my students.

Well, sort of.

What was my best first year class is now competing to see if it can be my worst. Despite that, I let them pick their own seats a few weeks ago to see if that changed the dynamic. It didn’t, but it puts the problems into one main area which makes it easier to isolate.

However, one student has decided he doesn’t like the place he chose and he’s now lobbying for a new chair. I asked him why and his answers were vague, but I suspect that because he chose a seat at the back near an odd corner, he’s limited in who he can talk/cause trouble with.

I told him I’d be happy to oblige the move, but that everyone would sit in seats I assigned. To help make the point, I had a seating chart drawn up and explained to everyone where they’d be sitting. By coincidence, the worst boys would be sitting up front near me in what one colleague calls a “wall of noise”.

After much students grumbling about the sample chart I put it to a vote and the one student was outvoted. Now the only grumbling is his.

They all may still end up moving, but there won’t be any votes when that happens.

Speeches and Translater Errors

The last student to give a speech contest speech today was the one I figured I’d have a lunch date with tomorrow. He’d already refused to do his speech once before as he only had two sentences finished and I wasn’t expecting great things today.

I didn’t get them, but I did get a speech. Of sorts.

The student gave a speech that was long enough and almost resembled English. The words were English, but not much else was.

What he had done–and in his defense he wasn’t the only one–was enter Japanese into an online translator app and then copy what the machine told him. This is almost always a bad idea as the translator interprets words literally and, even when it’s reasonably accurate, it often uses words the students don’t understand.

For example, here are two translations of the opening passage of Yasunari Kawabata’s Snow Country.

Original version:
国境の長いトンネルを抜けると雪国であった。夜の底が白くなった。信号所に汽車が止まった。
向側の座席から娘が立って来て、島村の前のガラス窓を落とした。雪の冷気が流れこんだ。 娘は窓いっぱいに乗り出して、遠くへ叫ぶように、「駅長さあん、駅長さあん。」
明かりをさげてゆっくり雪を踏んで来た男は、襟巻で鼻の上まで包み、耳に帽子の毛皮を垂れていた。

Human translated version (taken from this site):
The train came out of the long tunnel into the snow country. The earth lay white under the night sky. The train pulled up at a signal stop.

A girl who had been sitting on the other side of the car came over and opened the window in front of Shimamura. The snowy cold poured in. Leaning far out the window, the girl called to the station master as though he were a great distance away.
The station master walked slowly over the snow, a lantern in his hand. His face was buried to the nose in a muffler, and the flaps of his cap were turned down over his face.

Google Translate:
It was a snowy country when I passed through a long tunnel in the border. The bottom of the night turned white. The train stopped at the traffic light.

A daughter stood up from the seated side, dropped the glass window in front of Shimamura. The cold air of snow flowed. My daughter embarked on a window full and shouted to afar, “Station length, Ann, station length anan.”
The man who stepped on the snow slowly while slowing down the light wrapped up over the nose with a collar and was hanging a fur of a hat in his ear.

What I especially like is how the translation app turned this passage: 駅長さあん、駅長さあん (Station Master-san, Station Master-san) into  “Station length, Ann, station length anan.” 

Granted, the human translator summarizes the woman’s shouting rather than quoting it as it was in the original (big can of worms there), but at least it makes sense, is actual English, and has some style.

The biggest problem is many of my students are just pushing for the barest minimum passing grade, which isn’t that hard to get. Doing a good job on the speech contest speech runs the risk of getting you sent to the speech contest.

The other problem is they can’t use translator apps on the final exam. Things change a lot them.

Knives and Notebooks and Information

I went to Tokyo to look at knives, but ended up with notebooks. In other words, it was a typical trip to Tokyo for me.

The morning started with the Ginza Blade Show which is relatively small, but was crowded and hot. Fortunately for my pocketbook, there wasn’t anything there I couldn’t live without and after taking some video and a few pictures, I ran away.

The next stop was ItoYa which, to my mind, isn’t as cool as it used to be, but is always worth at least a short trip.

That was followed by the search for a pen shop I hadn’t been to before. I found it surprisingly quickly. Unfortunately, it decided to close today so all I could do was stare longingly at the locked door.

After that, I made an excursion to Maruzen to hunt for ink and pens. The pen was sold out, as were the flavors of ink I was looking for.

From there I went down to the Mitsukoshi main store to verify the dates for their annual fountain pen festival. (March 15-20th, if anyone happens to be in town.) The clerks were friendly and quickly gave me the information. The Mitsukoshi stationery section is small but in a nice location near Mitsukoshi’s famous atrium. It also has three different sets of modern pens available to try. I played the Platinum nibs and the Pilot nibs and convinced myself NOT to buy a Falcon nib for one of my pens. Before I changed my mind, I wandered over to the notebook section.

Unfortunately, although it is small, the stationery section had some notebooks I’ve been looking for. I now own them, which partly breaks one of my Pen and Stationery resolutions as I forgot to do push-ups in the store before I bought them.

After that, I came home. All in all, for trip to Tokyo, it wasn’t that hard on my wallet. I’ll be back down there in two weeks, though, for the Tokyo Folding Knife Show.

Making Plans Without Details

I’ve been trying to plan March, but some places are only interested in February. All I’ve learned is that knives plan better than pens.

February marks the start of knife show season and, quite frankly, the two shows in February are the best shows, with a special shout out to the show in October. I already know when the April show is and, if I dig around enough, I’m pretty sure the July show is already listed.

However, for the March pen fairs I have two problems. First, I have to navigate the horrible Maruzen website which only gets worse and worse as Maruzen gets new partners. Second, the website only lists special events in Febuary and includes events in Maruzen stores all over Japan.

The Mitsukoshi website also lists nothing for March.

The only thing I’ve been able to confirm, sort of, is that the Maruzen pen fair will be from March 1-7, with the Nakaya people holding court from the second through the fourth. The Sailor ink mixer will also be there a couple days as will the Pilot pen repair people. I learned all that by visiting the Nakaya and Sailor websites.

I ran into this problem last year. The department stores don’t treat the pen shows as anything particularly special and it’s hard to get any news about them until a couple weeks before they start. This year I’m going pretend I’m a member of the press and try to take pictures.

But it’s hard to plan all that when I don’t know when anything is supposed to start.

 

 

North-Northwest, With Beans, Sans Mask

One of the greatest tricks the Japanese invented is an annual tradition that forces kids to eat in silence, at least for a little while.

Today was setsubun which, under various traditional calendars, marks the last day before the first day of spring. (This makes more sense when you remember that September, October, November and December mean 7th, 8th, 9th and 10th month, but are actually the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months.)

The evening starts with everyone eating a large sushi roll. The sushi has to be eaten whilst facing a specific direction (North-Northwest, today) and must be eaten in complete silence. The silence must be maintained until everyone at the table is finished or there is bad luck. (This, by the way, works like a charm with kids.)

After that it’s a regular meal.

After that, we also did the traditional mamemaki, or been scattering., I got beans thrown at me, but threw a few back, too. Rather than the traditional “Demons out! Luck in!” chant, my chants where “iPhone out! Homework in!” and “Backtalk out! Piano practice in!”

For over a decade, the bean throwing was done while I wore a mask, but our youngest seems to have outgrown that tradition. This makes me kind of sad, but at least they no longer try to hit my face with beans.

 

Waiting for That Thing Then Putting That Thing Off

The main problem with being able to track deliveries is that, despite what the software tells you, you’re still subject to the vagaries of the delivery service.

I’d planned to go out today, but had to wait for a delivery. As fate would have it, the delivery (a new printer) didn’t arrive until the evening. Of course, if I’d decided to go out, I would have been greeted on my return by a note saying I’d missed the delivery. (Yes, I am convinced that the delivery man is watching me.)

When the delivery finally came it was actually two deliveries–I’d ordered something this morning that arrived the same day. However, by then I didn’t have the energy to 1) disconnect and move my old printer; 2) connect and install the new printer and 3) figure out what the heck to do with the old printer.

Instead the new printer is sitting in the living room taunting me. (Yes, I’m convinced it is taunting me.)

Tomorrow, I plan to finally go out. If the printer lets me.

 

A Reversal of Actions

My bad classes were kind of good. My good class was kind of bad. It was one of those days. Well, one of those mornings.

As we are in entrance exam time at the school where I work, schedules are a bit odd. This makes the students odd. My first year junior high school classes are usually bad, but today I appeased them with a spelling tournament that got competitive enough that one student openly sabotaged another student. I let it pass because my judgements are biased, arbitrary and final. (Note to self: never seek advice from competitor.)

In my final class of the day, my third year junior high school students took an odd amount of time to get settled. They took the starting bell as a mere suggestion and students who weren’t even in my class sort of hung out and chatted for a minute.

I struck a pose. This involves holding up my arm and staring at my watch and counting off the minutes. Once they hit one minute of delay they get homework. Once thy hit two minutes, they get a lot of homework. They also got to stay two minutes into lunch, putting them toward the back of the lunch line.

Some didn’t copy the homework assignment. I guess I’ll be having lunch with them next week.

 

More or Less Formal

About the only form of writing I hate doing is formal letters as they are the written equivalent of trying to do complicated business over the phone (something I also hate). The language is stilted and artificial and I always feel uncomfortable writing it.

This is especially true if the formal letters are recommendation letters for students.

I don’t like that my students’ futures possibly lie somewhere beyond my typo-ridden fingers. For example, I was almost done with the first letter today when I realized I was misspelling the name of the school.

I hate starting letters with “To Whom It May Concern” as this is horribly impersonal and makes me appear to have done no research whatsoever on who to apply to. Granted, I had done no research whatsoever, but it would have been nice if my students had, just to make me look better.

Since certain details are the same for different students, I have to be careful about any material I recycle from one letter to the next. He becomes she becomes her becomes his.

(Random But Slightly Related Aside: since it is trendy to adopt a gender/sex neutral method of being addressed, I will no longer be Mister Lively or Sir. Instead, please refer to me as “You Sexy Thing Lively” or just “You Sexy Thing”.) 

Complicating matters today was that I wrote a letter for a student who didn’t actually deserve a recommendation because he had a habit of plagiarizing on assignments. Instead I wrote a tonally neutral missive describing the course and how he enjoyed doing internet research as part of his writing process.

Now they’ve been sent off to someone who will probably, if it’s even possible, make them better.

 

Gathering Dust and Growing Cobwebs

We all stayed home today, which was kind of fun, but we were all lazy. Well, technically I worked, but I didn’t move much.

With our oldest down with the flu but every now and then she wakes up to eat a little food and huff a bunch of Relenza from a device that looks like it should be holding mints.

Luckily, this evening I had to tell her three times to go to bed and all of those were met with a grunted “uhyah” which is her way of simultaneously acknowledging and rejecting the instruction and calling the instructor an idiot. That said, she went to bed pretty quickly, which means she’s not 100% yet.

I spent the day finishing final marks and putting off writing recommendations. (I don’t enjoy writing formal letters, especially when other people’s futures rely on it. More on that in a future post.) I was busy, but didn’t have to move very far.

Our youngest didn’t do much. She Who Must Be Obeyed did some running and got mad at our youngest for not doing much.

Tomorrow I have a little work to do (or to put off) and then I’ll be done with my university classes. If we’re all home together again, it could be interesting.

Remember, Remember the 26th to 27th of January(er)

Any careful consideration of the facts will indicate that I am mostly likely cursed in 2017.

Not doomed, mind you. Cursed. Or maybe I’m just getting the cursiness out of my system early.

In the past 24 hours I’ve lost a job along with a couple thousand dollars and our oldest has been diagnosed with the flu.

Then, this morning, my long suffering Epson printer died (it has been promising this death for a few weeks but today it was really REALLY serious about dying). (Note: the printer is older than our youngest.) My computer has been acting up and our car has both been acting up and been recalled. (Well, actually parts of it were recalled a long time ago, but, well, She Who Must Be Obeyed.)

I then had to sit down and finish one last assignment for my fourth job, but discovered that my memory stick had been corrupted and that the only thing that had been corrupted was the folder I needed to work on. Luckily I didn’t need the past grades and was able to download the students’ paragraphs again. (My procrastination actually worked in my favor as I hadn’t actually done any marking yet which meant I didn’t have to mark anything twice.)

Oh, then I got a migraine. Now it’s bedtime. Luckily we sleep on a futon on the tatami floor so I can’t fall out of bed.

Lots of stuff to step on and trip over, though.