Category Archives: Japan

Wires and Readers and Silly Hats

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A couple weeks ago our internet started taking small vacations. I was annoyed, our oldest was panicked because “NO TWITTER!” (ah, the humanity).

I contacted our service provider and they were like “not our problem, dude, call NTT”. I called NTT and they sent a guy out to check out our internet. The NTT guy blamed everything in our house that runs on electricity and an old phone cord for the problem.

I was skeptical, but I bought a new cord when I was out the other day and then spent today undoing what I’d done and doing something else.

Most older Japanese apartments have two fatal flaws: 1) they have only one electrical outlet in each room and 2) there’s only one phone jack in the entire apartment. In order to hide my desk in the variety room and connect my computer to the internet, I had to stretch a 10 meter long phone cord from behind the hutch in the kitchen to the far corner of the variety room. This involved running the cord along the baseboards, around corners, through the entry way and around more baseboard. I attached the original cord with U shaped nails that had plastic insulation along the curves (at least most of them did before I started hammering away on them).

The NTT guy gave a long list of why that set up was a bad idea but couldn’t explain why it worked until it didn’t. Just in case I tore it all out and replaced it with plastic hooks that stuck on the wall. To do this I had to wear a silly hat with a flashlight attached and had to clean up a shocking amount of dust.

The plan for the next part of the day was to set up a Kobo Touch eReader I bought recently. (It was used and $20 so I couldn’t resist.) Setting up such things usually involves copious amounts of swearing, but after an initial failure, the only swearing happened when I tried to read the f@#king manual which consisted of 1) a “congratulations you bought this device” pamphlet and 2) vague online instructions.

Luckily, the internet and Calibre saved the precious ears of my precious girls and gave me a portable device with several books and a dictionary on it but no blinding back light and no quickly dying batteries.

I would have started reading right away, except that now that the internet is working better I have more distractions.

Making the Best of Bad Students

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The company I work for has a lot of people who don’t actually teach. They try to justify their jobs by occasionally  watching me teach. They typically do this on the worst day possible. Today, there was a twist as it was a good day to observe but my students weren’t that good.

The plan was for the observer to watch my junior high students give their speech contest speeches. Class started well: I spoke English, students responded in English and I asked who had their “treasure”. That’s when problems started.

The speech topic is “show and tell” which, by definition, requires the students to bring something to class to show. If they don’t, they get to do the speech on speech day and then do it again the next class when they bring their treasures. (Note: the record is four do-overs.)

After I asked who had their treasure, only seven of 20 students raised their hands. After a few minutes of “no really, who has their treasure?” and “Stop fucking around, who has their treasure?” it became clear that I’d need a second class to finish speeches. The observer, lets call him Fascist Fred, watched me with a “what ya gonna do aboudit” look.

I went into improv mode and announced that since there were so many do-overs, today was a second practice day. Any one who brought their treasure would get extra points as would anyone who could do their speech with no paper. (Note: this class has lots of extra classes compared to other classes I teach, so I was looking for any excuse to burn an extra day/stall.)

I gave the students 15 minutes to practice and then we started the speeches. That got us through the class, but I was disappointed with the number of students who didn’t memorize, even in a higher level class.

In the end I think I looked professional enough, and the class seemed to go smoothly.  The few students brought their treasures did an excellent job on their speeches which means they won’t be punished if they forget their treasures next week.

It also means they’ll probably go to the school speech contest, which some of them consider punishment.

Once More into the Awesome With Strangers

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Tokyo, during the season of Awesome, is an excellent place to walk around with a perfect stranger. In my case, the stranger was imported.

A guy I know only through social media and bulletin boards involving pens and paper, managed to manipulate his way into getting to work in Japan for a couple weeks. Since I had the day off, I volunteered to show him places he could spend his money whilst using the “I’m totally just being a good Samaritan, dear, and totally no going to buy anything” excuse with She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Her response was “I know you’re not going to buy anything” and then she gave me instructions to buy something. (Note: She meant “you’re not going to buy anything fun”.)

I met the stranger, lets call him Pen Master Dan, at his hotel, which is conveniently located across the street from the Pilot Pen Station (link in Japanese) which was inconveniently closed for Silver Week. His hotel is also conveniently located down the street from Ginza and the vintage pen shop Euro Box (link in Japanese), which is inconveniently closed on Wednesdays.

I did get him to the fountain pen floors of Ito-ya and through a quick tour of the new Ito-Ya building where we played a game of “You can play with mine if I can play with yours” with fountains pens at the notebook testing table.

I then took him to Loft to try out a few more notebooks.

The entire time we were traveling, Pen Master Dan was giving me a master class on pens and notebooks. (I didn’t know how little I actually knew until we started chatting about various pens.) Luckily I had several pens and notebooks and could take notes.

After that I took him to Shinjuku and one of the most dangerous place in Tokyo for pen addicts: Kingdom Note (link in Japanese) which is especially dangerous as they were having a sale on used pens.  Once there we encountered a friendly pen addict from Hong Kong who told us the exclusive inks had already sold out. This was a bad start to this part of the trip as Kingdom Note doesn’t sell its custom inks on line. It also meant the only inks on sale were inks Pen Master Dan could get anywhere and that’s not what he wanted.

The devil took me and enabled my enabler powers and I pointed Pen Master Dan to a set of Kingdom Note exclusive pens. The devil suddenly took him and he asked to see one.

I had to play translator at that point, which was a questionable decision as the handful of questions I asked the clerk  resulted in Pen Master Dan being forced to buy the pen. (Something like that.)

The clerk then tortured us with samples of the ink we couldn’t buy (unless we camp out early in the morning on Saturday when the next batch is more or less scheduled to arrive). She did give Pen Master Dan a converter full of one of the inks with specific instructions to finish it before he got on the plane lest he or his luggage end up decorated with it.

Finally, I took Pen Master Dan to Yodobashi Camera where I had to buy the item I’d been instructed to buy and Pen Master Dan bought a part for his camera.

At this point, there was a near disaster. It ended happily, though, and left us both with the lesson, “If you love something, don’t freaking set it down in the middle of the store and then walk off.”

We Two, We Sickly Two

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I had plans for entertaining our youngest today, but then our youngest got sick. And then I decided to join her.

It is a tradition I have that I start feeling sick the night before the start of a long holiday. This time, though, I put that off a couple days because I was actually working one day during the holiday. As soon as that was over, though, things started to change.

I’m not sure what causes it. Some of it is disruption of routine. I usually don’t sleep late on weekends so it’s not a change in sleep patterns, but I’m also not doing my usual walk to the station and back. Also, all the stress of work builds up and then gets released which increases blood flow to the brain which triggers a migraine, which is exactly what I got today.

Oliver Sacks, in his book Migraine, referred to migraines as “nerve storms” (or he quoted someone as calling them that, I don’t remember) and that’s as good a description as any.  They start suddenly and can disappear just as quickly but they always leave a small bit of mess that clears away over time. Even today’s, although it was reasonably mild, has left me with random flashes of pain and nausea to remind me that it’s still here.

Throw in the changing weather and autumn pollen and that’s a big mess of nerve storms waiting to happen. Our youngest seems to have a mix of autumn allergies and a cold which had her napping most of the day. I’ll be watching her again tomorrow and I hope she’s feeling better so we can go out and get some sunlight.

Luckily, it appears as if tomorrow will be bright and sunny. However, if I have a migraine, that’s the worse possible thing it could be.

Working on the Weekend

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One of the reasons I don’t mind teaching the kinds of classes I taught today on what’s supposed to be a day off are that it’s fun to teach students who actually want to learn English.

The students are part of a program that is preparing them to study in the USA, the UK or Australia. Rather than participate in the full time version of the course, they’ve taken on extra homework–in theory anyway, if not always in practice–and opted to give up their Sundays while they stay in their regular high schools.

Every now and then university students join the program, but that’s less common. This is good because the age difference often leads to creepy situations where a guy is flirting with a woman and talking about how his plans are to go to graduate school and she’s like “Grandpa, can I like graduate high school first? I’m like 17 or something.” (I saw this happen and then encouraged the heartbroken guy to 1) be more aware of his surroundings; 2) lead with the age check; and 3) recognize that going to graduate school isn’t sexy.)

The school itself has an English Only rule that applies to the entire floor, even during breaks. The Japanese staff also conduct business in English. If Japanese is required, they take the student to a different room.

The students try to sneak in some Japanese yet don’t realize how loud their sudden silence sounds. They also use the Japanese skill of communicating without talking, a skill that involves expressions, frowns, lip reading and possible proof of ESP. I’ve seen Japanese have five minute conversations like that. The problem is, I was the only one who can’t understand it; everyone else in the room could making it less secret than it could have been.

I’ll teach the class at least one more time, possible two, and then try to lobby for a few more. I may lose a Sunday but it’s easy work and pays well. It’s also fun to chat with students in English.

 

 

Silver Week is Here

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Thanks to Japanese law, I have lots of time to be lazy this week.

Monday is Respect for the Aged day. This is the day when everyone is expected to call their grandparents and/or parents and wish them love and respect. It used to move around, but now, thanks to a Happy Monday system designed to increase the number of national holidays, it takes place on the third Monday in September. Wednesday is Autumnal Equinox when everyone is expected to, well, be happy it’s Autumn and not August.

That leaves Tuesday.

Luckily, Japanese law says that when two holidays are separated by only one work day, that work day becomes a “People’s Day” to honor the people who were going to take the day off anyway. That means we are now enjoying a very rare five day weekend in September. This configuration occurs every five to six to 11 years or so. The last one last occurred in 2009 and the next one will occur in 2020.

This configuration is dubbed “Silver Week” in honor of/contrast to Golden Week when four national holidays occur in the same week.

Golden Week is traditionally the time when Japanese sneak away for short trips. If the holidays fall right, they can use a couple paid holidays to get eight days off to party and do some travelling. Because they’ve already done that, it’s hard to sneak away from the office for another week in September. Silver Week thus becomes more of a shopping time.

Oddly, both She Who Must Be Obeyed and I are working this week. She’ll be on her regular schedule and I will work tomorrow as a substitute teacher for a six hour English intensive class.

Starting Monday, I’ll end up babysitting for a few days, but since the weather is suddenly cool and dry, I may take the girls (or perhaps just our youngest depending on our oldest’s schedule) to a movie. Or, we’ll just sit around and do nothing.

Slowly or All at Once or the Devil’s Workshop

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Every now and then I remind the department head at the school where I work that I’d gladly work extra hours if I could have them all in the morning.

This is because I prefer having my classes in one lump without any long breaks between them. For example, on Friday’s I have three classes in a row, lunch and then a fourth class. It’s intense, but it’s less exhausting than having a lighter schedule with lots of breaks. If you have a bad class there’s no time to fret over it as you have to get to the next one. You can even warn the next class about the bad class you just had and explain what bad things will happen if they don’t stay in line.

One of the quirks of my schedule, though, is that on other days it provides frequent and long breaks between actual working hours. The problem with this is that there’s not always enough time to actually leave the school and do things like go to the bank and pay bills. Instead, I’m stuck in the school doing “planning”.

Usually, this isn’t a problem, but every now and then I have only first period and sixth period classes. That means I have five hours to fill (four periods and lunch). This seems like a consummation devoutly to be wished: I can do whatever I want and that’s awesome, but the actual progression is more like:

1st Hour: Hard working, diligent, lots accomplished.
2nd Hour: Still working, some lag, maybe I need to get up and stretch. I’ll eat lunch early.
3rd Hour: There is no God so I’ll just surf the internet.
4th Hour: I wonder what that person there would look like if I killed them and ate their skin.
5th Hour: I am the God of Hellfire and I bring you: fire.

Then I go teach a class and go home.

The five hour cycle could be avoided if I was more able to work in the office or if I had an actual cubicle to call my own. If I can get away from people, it’s easier for me to focus and to work and I only go through the stages for hours 1-3.

Now though, I just sit and wait and let my idle hands become the Devil’s Workshop or I become a God. Something like that.

Losing Track of Days by Day

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I sent a text today that I soon regretted but it wasn’t technically my fault.

My schedule sent me home at an unusual time and because it was raining I wasn’t in a good mood. I got home and was surprised to see She Who Must Be Obeyed was not at home as it was her day off. I figured she was out getting groceries and I immediately, and diligently, set about to wasting time and accomplishing little.

Around lunch time, it dawned on me she hadn’t yet returned from where ever it was that she was. I quickly texted her and asked if she was at work as sometimes she will pick up an extra day, especially if our girls are going to be at school late.

About a half hour after sending the text it suddenly dawned on me what the problem was. It was Thursday, not Wednesday as I thought it was or Friday as I hoped it was. Thursday is one of her usual work days.

This phenomenon happens at certain times of year at the school where I work when the schedule is full of gaps caused by exams and sporting events. In January and February during entrance exam time, not only do we have a number of odd days off, but we also have different grades finishing at different times. At one point we’re passing back exams for one grade whilst we are still teaching another and waiting for their exams to begin.

During those months a typical response is to wake up and suddenly doubt yourself. You think “Holy crap! Am I really off today?” and you check and recheck your schedule–the paper and the electronic version–several times. It’s also common to get an email from another teacher along the lines of “Holy crap! Are we really off today?” In the past more than one teacher has missed a final class by losing track of the days.

What worries me is that the real crazy times don’t start until October. If I’m already having trouble, I’d better keep good notes about my schedule and start tattooing key information on my body so that I don’t forget where I’m supposed to be.

Speeches Come With Problems

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Thanks to a student, I didn’t have a lunch date today but I might have one tomorrow and on Friday.

I’ve mentioned before how the start of the autumn term involves speech contest speeches. For junior high school the topics, like the high school ones, have been set in stone for over a decade. The 1st year (7th grade) junior high students do a self-introduction, the 2nd year (8th graders) do show-and-tell and the 3rd year (9th graders) do a comparison/contrast/occasionally persuasive speech.

This year I have 2nd year junior high and the speech contest has a couple unique problems. First, because they’ve been through one speech contest, everyone already has a good idea who is going to win. In my lower level classes, they know that they are unlikely to win so they plan accordingly by doing very little work on their speeches. The first couple classes are spent wrangling students and speeches. If students don’t finish, they get to meet me during lunch time and finish while I watch and sigh. (Today, a student finished at the last minute cancelling our lunch date.)

Second, because the topic is show-and-tell it requires that they actually have an item to show. I also have several rules about that, the main one being “no pens, pencils, erasers or, for that matter, anything in your desk or pencil case”. There are exceptions made, but only if the students see me first.  Inevitably, though, one student will choose eraser because, out of all the things in the world, his dollar store eraser is the most important thing in the world. (Two students actually did have interesting “my eraser is my treasure” speeches and I gave them permission to continue.) One student this year, though, started with eraser and I sent him back to rewrite it. He returned with a speech about his mechanical pencil.

He has until Friday to finish rewriting it.

Third, because the show part of show-and-tell is kind of important, the students are expected to actually bring something to show. Usually, half the class forgets which means half the class has to do their speeches twice. In the past I’ve had students change the description of their tennis rackets so they could use their friend’s racket. I don’t mind this as much–even when three people have the same treasure–but it depends on what mood I’m in.

Tomorrow I have a class where only three students out of 14 turned in a speech. Luckily, their class meets right before lunch and I have time to eat before class.

I may be watching and sighing, but at least I’ll be fed.

Where Laziness Meets Work

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One of the things that happens in Autumn at the school where I work is that the first few classes are filled with speeches and summer vacation.

Students in junior high have to finish their speech contest speeches. This involves a day of finishing and checking; a day of last minute finishes and practice; and a day of actual performances. The performance day is then followed by weeks of chasing down speeches from the winners and, in some cases weeks of fielding long explanations of why the winner totally cannot go the speech contest. There are usually no good excuses for not going, but every now and then the student recruits the homeroom teacher and comes up with a good explanation. I then tell them it’s their job to tell the next person in line they have to go.

High school students spend the first few classes doing some variation of “What I did on my summer vacation.” Some do a speech, others have to make a conversation. They hate it but it lets us see how well they do at past tense before we enter the actual lessons. It also lets us see if they remember any English and any class rules from the previous term.

These early days serve as a kind of transition period for both us and the students. The students arrive with a “why the hell are we doing this again?” attitude and we arrive with a “how the hell do we do this again?” attitude. A couple weeks of being lazy and making the students do all the work lets us stall until we get our legs back under us and gives us a chance to remember how to do this teaching thing.

Unfortunately, this term, we have a classes with huge differences in total lessons. This means we have to start teaching a lot sooner. I’m not sure we’re actually ready for that.