Category Archives: Life and Stuff

I Do What I Do They Do What I Say

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The only good thing about being trapped at home is I have the girls doing dishes.

This is attributed to a difference in style between me and She Who Must Be Obeyed. Because SWMBO is a native Japanese she ends up complaining a lot about the girls lack of initiative. In other words, rather than telling the girls to do something she complains that they haven’t done it, hoping the suggestion and the shaming will lead to action. Some of this is cultural. The Japanese don’t like direct confrontation which leads to a lot of suggestions and complaints rather than a lot of “get your ass to the sink and do disheses”.

However, since my daughters are biracial they inherited a certain amount of sass and backtalk and stubborness from two different national gene pools. This leads to long arguments with SWMBO that end when I officially “lose my shit” at the circular and noisy nature of the argument going on next to me.

I have tried to encourage SWMBO not to take the bait when the girls are backtalking and to instead stay on message. Translation: Tell them”Stop talking to me that way and go do XYZ”. This has led our oldest to try a “What? What did I say?” strategy.

However, with me at home during the day, I’ve got our youngest washing breakfast dishes and our oldest hanging laundry in the morning and washing supper dishes at night. (Note: She has to do the latter for five more weeks because of something she did a couple weeks ago. I don’t actually remember what she did but I do remember that sass back talk and stubborness led her to try to call my bluff and that made four weeks into six weeks.)

In short, I dared our oldest to backtalk me and she did. She hasn’t done it since, though.

 

The Best Laid Plans Waylaid by the Way Side

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Well, it was a good plan. It just didn’t account for the thing I knew was going to happen.

A month or so ago I had a health check and when the results came back they were mostly positive. My cholesterol is good as is my general health. They only glitch was my eyesight which has become increasingly farsighted. The results of the eye test prompted me to decide it was time to get some real glasses and not just the over the counter reading glasses I’ve been using.

With school now finished and only busy “work” left to do, I made plans to go to the eye doctor today and get started on the inevitable “do these frames make my butt look fat?” (something like that) eye-glasses process. I even mentioned this plan to She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Imagine my surprise then when, this morning, as I made ready to get ready, SWMBO announced she had to eat because she was going to work. I repeated my plan to her and was informed that she’d scheduled work every day this week, except, I think Friday. (Note: as my rage builds my ability to listen gets worse. It runs in the family.) Part of the rage was that this exact situation has happened before which is why I’d mentioned my plans early on and even included a couple other plans. After all, it was only my eyesight.

It turns out I was stuck babysitting our youngest in the morning. SWMBO assured me, though, I could go in the afternoon once she got back from work. I huffed and swore under my breath but adjusted my plan from “go take care of my eyes” to “sit at home and do very little and make no plans to go out”. As I figured, by the time SWMBO returned it was too late to go and get a place in line at the eye doctor’s office.

My best bet now, if I heard her right, is Friday, about the time the typhoon is scheduled to hit the main island.

 

A Nap is Not a Siesta

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As the season of Humid enters it’s Hell phase, I find myself suddenly doing things I normally don’t do.

Although today was a light day of work, the heat from the suddenly awoken sun–we had a much cooler than normal June after a couple shots across the bow in early June–was made worse by a decision to pay for the new school building by causing suffering to those who go there. (Translation: the air conditioner is set to uncomfortable levels.)

After finishing work and doing some running, I arrived home to discover I had almost no energy. I’d gone to bed at a normal time and gotten up at my normal time but it hadn’t left me with much energy for the afternoon. After valiantly attempting to do some writing, I surrendered and went to take a nap on the couch.

Taking a nap in the afternoon is not something I normally do. The only time I ever took a regular afternoon nap was in Albania where I had little choice. The entire country shuts down in the late afternoon for a light snack and a long nap. It’s their version of a siesta. I was never a big fan of these–which is why I can’t remember the Albanian phrase for it–especially as there was no air conditioning. However, a little raki and a lot of food pretty much guaranteed I’d be taking a nap no matter how hot it was.

I also expected, as I lay me down to nap, that our youngest would arrive home and I’d have to abandon the couch which would alter the plan considerably. The couch is actually what separates the afternoon nap from the Albanian siesta. A nap on the couch is only comfortable if you’re sleepy. Also, it’s in a bright room and you just plop down in your regular clothes. For the siesta you actually change clothes and go to bed. Doing that would cause me to wake up at an odd hour and then never go back to sleep until an even odder hour.

After the nap (which lasted only a half hour, not the Albanian two hours) I could finally do some work without passing out in my chair.

I suspect this nap will become a part of my every day process whilst I’m still going to work. Once work is over, I doubt I’ll still be napping.

An Afternoon Off, With Popcorn and Accidents

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Today was actually a happy accident, although I didn’t realize that at first.

After much hemming and hawing and complaining about the heat (summer finally arrived with a vengeance) I decided to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron. I was done marking exams and had finished all my final marks in the morning and needed to get out of the house. Because of the heat, She Who Must Be Obeyed offered to drive me but I pointed out I needed the exercise as I’d been inside for three days straight.

At the theater, which is only a couple train stops, a bit of a walk and quite a bit of sweat away, I was shocked to discover I was only being charged 1,100 yen (or $8.90 right now). The usual ticket price for a ticket is 1,800 yen ($14.58). When I glanced at the colorful board next to the register all I noticed was that there was a discount for people 55 years old and older.  At first I was surprised and a bit annoyed and then I was like, cool. My graying hair is coming in handy all of a sudden.

It turned out though, after careful inspection, that the theater has adopted a policy it calls “Happy Mondays” where all tickets are discounted. (There are already student discounts.) There are also discounts for having a store card and for coming early in the morning or late at night. I guess I’ll have to wait to exploit my graying hair.

These discounts are interesting because they mean, at long last, that the theaters are having to lower prices to sell tickets and concessions as streaming slowly becomes popular in Japan and most young people watch videos on their phones.  If these discounts last, it means I’ll probably go see more movies.

Today I did my part for the theater by ordering a couple hot dogs for lunch and then getting popcorn and an ice tea to enjoy during the movie. The popcorn was good (and fresh, which is not always true with that theater before noon). According to my scale, means the movie got an automatic three stars out of five.

The movie itself was good, although it was plagued by shaky camera nonsense and not enough Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch. It was especially good to see Jeremy Renner get the chance to speak in more than grunts and knowing glares.

The next movies on the list don’t arrive until December (the new Star Wars and the new James Bond). I hope I can see them on a Monday or my gray hair fools the staff.

 

 

The Not As Bad As We Thought Timing of Wishes

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I mentioned before how we were expecting a lot of work to be done on our apartment at a time when it wasn’t particularly convenient. I was expecting the worst. Instead what we got wasn’t so bad. In fact, it was more than we expected.

While I was at the ISOT, She Who Must Be Obeyed had the day off. That was the day the repair teams arrived and attacked our apartment without mercy.

In one day they replaced the six tatami mats in our bedroom. They are still a bit green, meaning they are brand new, and She Who Must Be Obeyed assures me that they smelled great at first.

While they were in the bedroom they also replaced all the wallpaper, not just the parts that were peeling off because of humidity. While they were replacing the wallpaper, they also repaired a couple small holes our girls had created in the walls from practicing various dance moves and/or rough-housing.

(Note: according to our girls the holes were created by “I don’t know,” whoever that is, so we’ve punished both just to be safe. Once “I don’t know” is located, he/she will also be punished.)

(Note: Yes, I am aware that, officially, I Don’t Know is on third base.)

Unfortunately, they also removed the screw I’d installed to hold our air conditioner remote. This means the remote could end up anywhere and probably will.

In the variety room, they patched the ruined section of floor covering that had come loose because of humidity and then slowly been shredded by my chair. I’d covered with a blue plastic cover that had to be taped down to keep it from sliding. Now, there’s a brown spot that doesn’t exactly match the floor covering. They also gave me an extra bit to serve as a floor protector.

The old plastic cover now serves as a humidity shield in our closet.

Finally, they brought the newly screened screen doors meaning we could enjoy the unseasonably cool weather without sharing our apartment with random insects.

It all went so smoothly that I kind of wish I’d broken a couple other things just to see if they’d fix it. That said, I’m now waiting for the next thing to break. And something will break, I’m pretty sure of it.

 

The Bad Timing of Wishes

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In our apartment we are suddenly getting what we wished for. Unfortunately it’s happening now, not later.

Our rental contract gets renewed this year which means we are expected to sign some papers and hand over some money. However, before we did that, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I decided to request either lower rent or a bunch of fixes.

The management company opted for the fixes, and then did us one better, albeit at a bad time.

First, we requested new tatami mats and new wall paper in our bedroom. Because our apartment is on the first floor we get a lot of humidity which isn’t helped by every room having large sliding glass doors that act as water condensers. Our tatami mats near the sliding doors have gotten moldy and and the wallpaper next to the doors has become loose and moldy. All that will be fixed.

Second, because of the same problem, the linoleum in the Variety Room got moisture under it and it came loose. Over time the wheels on my desk chair began to tear holes in the loose linoleum and I now have it covered with a couple sheets of plastic. The management company agreed to replace that, but I suspect they are going to do it in an ugly patch rather than fix the problem.

Finally, the screens on all the sliding doors have torn and developed large “bug doors” that make it easier for insects to get in and out of the apartment. We were going to take care of that ourselves, but the management company suddenly confiscated all our screen doors and they are being repaired.

Unfortunately this means that during the coolest early July we’ve had since I’ve been in Japan we can’t open our windows and enjoy the cooler air without hosting several hundred insects. Also, the management company are in a hurry to get all this done at the same time I’m in a hurry to finish exams.

We asked for it, now we’re getting it. We just wish they’d waited a bit.

Hurry Up and Wait And Wait Then Wait

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There was a train delay today that caused me to encounter into a train delay. I was also being clumsy so the delay was probably for the best.

At the start of July we finally got June weather–rain–but it’s been unusually cool this year. However, any time there’s rain, even though Japan has an annual Season in Which it Rains and a proper Rainy Season, there’s always a risk of train delays as certain train lines always seem to have delays as if there’s never been any rain on the tracks before.

This, of course, had to happen the first day of exams. However, on the way to work the only problems were mine. I was pouting at the rain and listening to music and didn’t notice the train signal and was surprised when barricade started to lower. Then I walked into the station with my umbrella still deployed and had to undeploy it before I got on the escalator.

Luckily, there were no problems with the exam itself, although I remain nervous during the listening test. There weren’t even any questions which is unusual as at least one person tries to trick an answer out of us (more on that in another post).

Then, after the tests were picked up and sorted, I found out that one of my students had arrived late because of a train delay and was taking the test in another room. I’d have to wait 20 minutes to get the test.

After the test arrived I headed home and as soon as I got to the station and saw the crowd of people outside the gate I knew there was a problem.

Someone had apparently committed suicide on the tracks about the time I left the school. If I’d left right after I got the main batch of exams I could have probably got home with not problem. Instead of hanging out by the gate I went to buy some pretzels. (Someone is dead and you are buying pretzels? Yes. That’s cold, dude, that’s cold.)

An hour and a half later the police had investigated and cleared the scene and the train finally started running. I had pretzels but didn’t eat them. I mostly napped. Which is also kind of cold.

Starting Off a Good Day in a Crappy Way

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Everything was proceeding according to plan this morning, I wrote my morning pages, ate some breakfast even had some to waste. Then I got my migraine spot.

Today spot started out looking like the burn mark a camera flash leaves in your eyes but then then it didn’t go away and started to grow. I guzzled some coffee and took some Excedrin Migraine. In the past I might have sipped some whiskey as part of a homemade version of Tylenol 3 (which is basically alcohol, caffeine and dope). However, there were two problems with this plan: First I got the spot before I went to work and it would be bad to show up even half drunk (or half sober if you’re more optimistic) and Second, a scientist told me my home remedy would ruin my liver. (I was like: but will it cure my migraine and he was like, yeah, by killing you slowly and I was like, that can’t be worse than a migraine but I finally took his advice.)

One of the problems with my migraine spot is it blocks part of my vision of and makes it difficult to read. Not only am I about to be in pain when I get the spot, but I can’t enjoy my last few minutes before the pain because I see anything clearly.

Luckily the Excedrin worked and I didn’t have any pain and I didn’t get the usual migraine hangover. I did, however, feel sluggish and cranky most of the day. When my better bad class of 8th graders didn’t want to study for their final exams, I ignored them and let them not study. (I don’t have to pass the test and the fewer questions they answer the easy it is for me to mark and do the math.)

This also effected the way I taught high school. During a study hall in a last class of ninth graders one of my students was making gestures around his crotch that resembled, well, things involving the crotch and/or the Divinyls. Normally I would have told him to get back to studying, but since it was a free study time, I dismissed it as him studying biology. When he later tried to twist off the arm of a fellow student, I dismissed it as him doing a physics experiment.

Now I’m feeling the hangover set in. It’s time to go to bed.

Spelling in Translation

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Today’s post will have lots of bad words, but don’t worry, I’ll spell them so that young children can’t understand them.

The Japanese language suffers from two fatal weaknesses.

The first weakness is that the people don’t have middle names. This means as a child you rely on force of expression rather than the presence of your middle name to know you are in trouble. There’s a huge difference between “DWAYNE LIVELY! GET IN HERE!” and “Dwayne Edward Lively, get in here!” The latter doesn’t even need to be shouted.

The second weakness, especially if you’re a parent, is that because Japanese is a phonetic language you can’t spell words to hide them from your kids. Growing up in the USA all of us remember our parents spelling words to hide them from us. “That Kathy is a B I T C H.”  or “I think that Kathy is  P R E G N A N T” (often they try to use code to hide the actual words “I think that Kathy is PG.”) Or “I think that little S L U T Kathy is having S E X with that little S H I T Bobby.”

The problem is we eventually learn to spell and when we talk with our friends, we interpret the sentences as “My M O M thinks Kathy is a fucking bitch.” (Note, when you’re in junior high, “fucking” is attached to many phrases.) Or “My O L thinks Kathy got knocked up.” or “My O L thinks Kathy and that asshole Bobby are fucking.”

(Note: Kathy is a fictional character with a name chosen at random. Any similarity to an actual Kathy is unintentional and purely coincidental. Bobby really is an asshole, though.)

In Japanese, parents can’t spell the words because each letter in the alphabet represents an actual syllable in the word. For example if they spell “yariman” (slut) or “kuso ama” (unpleasant bitch) they have to actually say “Ya Ri Ma N” and “Ku So A Ma” which helps the child pronounce the words correctly rather than disguise their meanings.

I believe this is why Japan doesn’t have a lot of bad words and most of the profanity is implied through tone.

This of course, is why I want to teach Japanese parents English. I went them to be able to say “Y A R I M A N” and “K U S O A M A” rather than teaching those words to their kids.

Not a Day for Creativity or Self-Discipline

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There’s no nice way to say it: I’m useless on Friday’s.

Granted, I have great intentions. It’s the start of the weekend a chance for new projects and activities and a chance for more reading and writing and a chance to study something new.

However, first I deserve a cup of coffee and a short rest. Then maybe I deserve a nap and if I don’t take a nap I deserve to play a couple rounds or three or four or more of a game. A couple hours later, after I finally get frustrated at my lack of success at the game I get another cup of coffee and break out a notebook and pen to do some writing.

First, though, I deserve a chance to check a couple newsreaders and peruse a couple pen and paper blogs. I also deserve a small snack to go with the coffee.

After that I shift the notebook and pen back front and center to do some work. But first I deserve a chance to watch an episode of a mystery drama.

Before I can get back to the notebook and pen it’s time for supper and I have to herd our oldest and youngest to the kitchen and get them to set the table (this process would require another post).

After supper, because it’s Friday, I deserve two fingers of bourbon but that requires me to first pose the glass with the notebook and pen and post it as part of my bad ideas series on Instagram. That is followed by sipping the bourbon and editing the picture and actually posting it.

At that point it’s time to start thinking about these blog posts. That requires another round of gaming or another finger of bourbon or a quick read of some pen website or another.

Eventually I sit down to write these posts and, if I’m lucky, I manage to think of a topic. If I don’t, there might be more games and more pen websites. Eventually I think of something, write it and go to bed.

Being that useless can be tiring, and I deserve a good night’s sleep.