Category Archives: Teaching

Listening Past the Giggles and Glitches

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As technology advances, I find myself losing patience with things that not too long ago worked really well but now have problems. This is especially true when it involves work.

One of the things we do at the school where I work is record our own parts for the listening portion of the final exams. This is a process that’s changed since I’ve been at the school.

It used to involve headphones, a four channel mixer and cassette tapes. That system required long recording sessions in which every word had to be perfect. If we made one mistake we’d have to do the entire section over. I remember more than once reaching the very last question and then mumbling or stumbling or forgetting how to read English and having to start the entire process over.

One of our number had a habit of improvising off script leaving the rest of us to wonder where the hell we were and what the hell we were supposed to say next.

If anyone got the giggles the entire process ground to a halt.

Note: if you’ve never had the giggles, you’ve never experienced the joy of trying cure them by reciting sad images like “dead puppies; cats squished by cars; starving children eating dirt” and instead causing the entire room start laughing and be unable to stop. That’s great.

I guess you had to be there.

Nerves frayed and we quickly learned to make listening sections shorter.

That gave way to a nice recording studio in the sound and light booth of the school auditorium. We had good mics and proper equipment and if we made a mistake, we just redid the bad part and spliced the new part in later.

The new studio, however, didn’t solve the problem of the giggles. One teacher usually had to leave the room when another teacher made a “BEEEEEP” sound or the recording session couldn’t be finished. One time a teacher had funny names in the listening and we laughed so hard he ended up changing the names.

The other problem was that right around December exams, students start practicing for the Christmas show in the auditorium and we end up having to come back another day.

The new school, however, was supposed to solve this with a brand new, sound proof recording studio. Unfortunately, it’s the old computers and, for some reason, the old computer doesn’t like the new room and has decided to add a buzz to all our recordings. (Old computers can be really temperamental that way.)

There’s a way to fix it, but it adds a step that shouldn’t be necessary. I actually found myself getting annoyed about that. Then it brought hope that a new computer will appear some day with a quieter fan.

There’s also no cure for the giggles, though. Technology can’t solve those. Even dead puppies don’t help.

Sometimes It’s Just Too Easy

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Today was the first day of exams, which is kind of confusing since classes aren’t finished yet.

Basically, in the school where I work, the high school third graders (US 12th grade) graduate two-thirds of the way through the year. In order to do this, a few things happen:

First, the students finish early (classes finished last week) and start exams.

Second, if anyone is going to fail it gives the powers what are a chance to pressure the teacher into changing the marks/giving a second and/or third chance. There is no rhyme or reason for this, except possibly money (but that’s just me being cynical) or sending good athletes to university (also me being cynical).

Third, the early schedule allows time for a quick make-up examination that is part of the pressure from the second reason.

Whatever the reason, there’s a a lot of pressure to pass the students and, in defense of the school, most of the students are going to pass anyway. In fact, the only way to fail is to not attend class, although exceptions have been made for that (see second reason above).

Part of the problem in my class is that most of the points are based on work and performances done in class. However, I’m still expected to give a final exam. To help mitigate this, I make the final exam worth only 25% of the final score and let students know, within reason, what will be on it. Also, because there’s not a lot of grammar, my final exam is pretty easy as there’s not a lot to study. If anyone fails it’s because they fell asleep and didn’t finish all the questions.

By the middle of December, the students know if they are going to graduate or not. There is much rejoicing.

There is, however, one final twist. Although they know they are going to graduate, and although no more scores are given, the students are expected–sort of–to attend classes at least two more times in January.

Of course, it doesn’t really matter if they don’t as there’s no way to punish them.

Guilty Until Proven Guilty Until Innocence Accepted

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Last week I was falsely accused of a crime that I was thinking about committing because it was something I’d frequently threatened to do.

Last Thursday, at the beginning of my sixth period class, one of my worst students was playing Some Kind Of Game (not a real game) on his PlayStation Portable. What caught my eye was 1) the bell had just rung so he should have been getting ready and 2) it was blue.

One of my classroom policies is that if I see you playing a game in class, I confiscate the device and, if you’re lucky, return it at the end of class. However, after the blue PSPs came out, I said that if I saw a blue PSP in class, it was my present and I’d never give it back.

However, this time, I told the student to put it away and he did. Sort of. I was still thinking about taking it, but I didn’t.

Then, soon after class, he came down and asked me to give him his PSP back. I pointed out that I didn’t have it and sent him back to the fourth floor to get it. I thought it was a strange encounter: had I blacked out and stolen the device but didn’t remember; or had my guilt at thinking about taking it manifested itself as actual theft in the form of invisible demons? But then stopped thinking about it before my thoughts got too crazy. Until Monday.

On Monday, my birthday no less, the same student came back to get his PSP. He had apparently 1) forgot that he’d put it in the desk; 2) had imagined me taking it and 3) spent the weekend bitching to his parents that I was a thief who had kept his PSP over the weekend. I told him, once again, I didn’t have it and told him to go back up to the fourth floor or to lost and found or find out which of his friends stole it.

Finally, today, I had that class again and the same student was there playing with his blue PSP again. I told him to put it away and he did. Then, at the end of class, I told him to make sure he had his PSP and, if he forgot it, not to blame me.

Oh, and I told him to tell his parents I’m actually awesome and not a thief.

Full Service Confiscation Group Punishing Education

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The worst thing you can do to punish Japanese students without getting physical is separate them from their group. The second worst thing you can do is separate them from their phones.

But I repeat myself.

The Japanese, in general, are very group oriented. Even in a large company, people who attended the same universities will form private drinking clubs separate from people who attended other universities. It would be the equivalent of getting a job with Monsanto right out of college and then being invited to join the Harvard Graduates Club while the Kansas State University Graduates Club is having much more fun (whilst bitching about Kansas University, or University OF Kansas, or, ah, hell, who cares? They are in a different club).

In school, sending a student out of the room, even in high school, is a very powerful act and even the coolest of the cool troublesome students don’t like it. They will do whatever it takes to come back in the room, even if it means actually opening the textbook for a few minutes. In junior high, it’s more problematic because, according to the law, the student has both an obligation and a right to be in the room.

The other day, in an 8th grade class, one of my worst students was staring at his crotch and smiling. Since this is not something normal people normally do, I went over to confiscate whatever he was playing with (the whole time hoping it was a phone). As soon as I got to his desk, a black iPhone disappeared into his blazer pocket. After some brief arguing and me setting up a “lunch date” where he’d get to do some extra work he handed me a blue smartphone. I said thanks and told him to give me the iPhone.

He refused and I said, more or less, “It’s a date! See you at lunch!”

I set the blue phone on my podium and, a few minutes later, had to go across the hall and make some copies of the textbook for students who’d forgot their textbooks and when I returned, the blue phone was gone.

Group homework ensued and, oddly, I managed to get the black iPhone out of the student’s blazer pocket in the best pickpocket move I’ve ever done.

This led to a meeting after class where I ended up with both phones and a convoluted “meaning of is is; if you like your doctor you can keep your doctor” explanation about how the iPhone wasn’t really turned on (in the junior high, kids may have phones but may not turn them on) and therefore I couldn’t take the phone plus it was actually the blue phone that was on and I coudl take it. I snorted “bullshit” under my breath, pointed out I can tell the difference between a black phone and a blue phone and ended up keeping both phones until the end of the day.

While I had them, I wiped the phones clean with a micro-fiber cloth and, luckily for me, both boys turned up a minute after final bell to get their phones. I promised that if I saw them again during class time, I’d keep them for a week.

Also, after my full service confiscation, even teachers are trying to get me to confiscate their phones so they can be cleaned.

Perfect Pitch and Sickly Sweet Songs that Sound the Same

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Today, in high school English club, my job was to watch the club members listen to music. I also had to survive flashes of horror and flashbacks.

The reason I endured flashbacks is that, for reasons I’m not sure I want to know, the song chosen was “I Need to Be In Love” by the Carpenters. Now, although this was bad enough, what really shocked me was the reaction some of the students had when the very first note of each song was played. One student kept saying “Yes, I like that.” when the first note of “Top of the World” (I dare you to click the link and listen), “Sing” and “We’ve Only Just Begun” were played. It was like a nightmarish version of Name That Tune with teenagers. “Tom, I can freak the teacher out with just one note.”

Keep in mind, I wasn’t a big fan of the Carpenters, especially in high school, but at least I’d heard them almost every day from age three to age 15 (and then every hour for a year after Karen Carpenter’s death) so the notion that a Japanese high school boy born in 1999 could be a big enough fan to recognize each tune with only one note shocks me .

That said, a lot of bands find an odd second life here in Japan. One hit wonder Mr. Big has enjoyed a long career in Japan, including reuniting for a tour in 2009. Cindy Lauper remains popular and often appears on TV acting like, well, like Cindy Lauper. Jon Bon Jovi is also popular, especially thanks to a female comedian who used to sing a bad, yet oddly compelling chorus of “You Give Love a Bad Name” (You don’t need a link; it’s already in your head. Shot through the heart, indeed.)

Avril Lavigne also remains disturbingly popular.

As for me, I’m still stuck in the 70’s trying to songs out of my head.

Don’t Wanna Come Around Here No More

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One of the odd twists of teaching English in Japan is that sometimes your worst students have the best English. The worst of those are the “returnees”, the students who’ve lived overseas.

Several years ago, I had a student who’d spent a good portion of his life in the USA. He hated being back in Japan so much he actually made his parents send him to a different school. One class he was there, the next class he was not and his friends said he’d gone to a rival school with a better building.

About that same time, I had a returnee who would finish his work quickly and then proceed to keep his friends from finishing theirs. If I assigned pair work, he’d make his partner do all the work while he slept. After several loud altercations involving me telling him to work or get out my class, he failed the term. This resulted in some attention from the Powers What Are at the school as they inquired how a returnee could fail English. I said he did it by being a “an obnoxious little shit” or “by lacking focus” or something like that.

Eventually he and I reached an agreement: as long as he finished his work and didn’t disturb anyone else, he could sit off to the side and sleep. Which he did happily.

In defense of returnees, they do tend to attract a lot of “why don’t you do this for me?” attention and they get tired of it. They also live in a culture where it’s not okay to stand out too much. I can tell, in almost any class of any age, who the returnee is because as soon as I give instructions, everyone in the room turns and looks at the returnee for a translation. That gets bad enough that I’ve actually told returnees that unless I ask them to translate, they don’t speak English.

The worst class, though, was my first year at the school. I made the mistake of calling my third year high school elective “Introductory English”. Every student but one was a returnee looking for an easy grade. I’d give them an assignment and 20 minutes later they’d all be finished and I’d still have 80 minutes to fill. They were pretty much like “Here we are now. Entertain us.”

It was good teacher improvisation practice, but it wasn’t a lot of fun.

Talking Across Cultures and Internet Glitches

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Today, anything that could go wrong didn’t, but something did. Kind of.

At the school where I work I am in charge, sort of, of the foreign teacher part of High School English Club (there’s a Japanese teacher in charge of the entire club). In the past the club has alternated between “good” and “why the hell are you in English club?” (Answer: because I need the points for graduation–said in Japanese of course.)

This year, we’ve got an excellent group and we also have a new school full of fancy equipment, including laptops and computer projectors in each classroom and two Computer Assisted Learning Labs (CALL). Unfortunately, we also have an old school background and teachers are only slowly figuring out ways to use the equipment as more than distraction.

For reasons I don’t fully understand, a volunteer with Japan International Cooperation Agency (JICA aka the Japanese Peace Corps) in Tanzania got in touch with the  school and set up an international internet chat between our English club and Tanzanian students. Although this seems simple, it immediately became a big deal with everyone at school being invited as well as a representative from JICA in Japan.

This meant our boys had to be on their game; which meant they’d have to step up their game.

To get ready, a couple of my colleagues used their turns in club to help prepare the boys to ask questions and follow-up questions and to answer questions. Unfortunately, the first problem was the boys in the English club didn’t rise to the occasion and come up with clever questions. “Are you a food like?” is not an appropriate question. (Note: this was not an actual question. It is just an example of things to be avoided.)

Extra meetings were required.

Today at 4:00 p.m. japan time (10 a.m. Tanzania time?)  it was show time. Or, it would have been if there hadn’t been some Skype issues involving not being able to make a video connection. Luckily this only lasted 10 minutes or so and the connection was made. Every student got five minutes to chat with a counterpart in another part of the world. Our boys did a great job and one even proved he could break dance (on carpet no less). The Tanzanian students were a mix of boys and girls whose questions ranged from “What subject do you like?” to “How does Japan elect its Prime Minister?”

Everybody seemed to have a good enough time I suspect they will want to do it again. Well, at least everyone who’s not a boy in the club, Although they had a good time, they were really nervous.

A Spy in the House of Learning

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There were not one, but two spies at the school where I work.

I’ve mentioned before that I don’t work for the school where I work. Instead I’m assigned there by a different company, let’s call it The Evil Empire (not its real name),  that grows rich and fat whilst I grow, um, older and heavier.

For a while we had almost the perfect existence. The Evil Empire left us alone and we repaid the favor by neither asking for attention nor causing a need for attention. We didn’t miss school (I’ve personally only missed two days of actual teaching in the 14 years I’ve worked at the school) and, for the most part, we only went to the main office to sign our contracts for the next year and listen to the glorious range of excuses for why a raise was neither necessary nor forthcoming.

Unfortunately, someone moved the cheese which caused the mice to become cannibals and destroy all other mice in a seven state region, or something like that (although I may have misunderstood that book). In our case, the Evil Empire has slowly begun creeping into our lives.

The most visible example of this is “observations” which happened one per decade in the first 10 years of the 21st century but which are now occurring twice per year, once as an ambush.

Today’s observation was not an ambush, but it was still very odd. The first observer was our new sales rep, who is one part of one tier of actual decision makers in the company. He was there mostly as a meet-and-greet as he’s only been with the company for two months, but he did jump between three classes then left. He was followed by the second observer, our immediate powerless supervisor/handler who stayed all day.

The problem with observations are many, especially if you’re not new at the job. The best that can come out of them is a chance to talk the immediate supervisor, but you’re in a case where your words can be held against you (as well as the research you’re doing, hypothetically, for your football pool during your breaks) and the observers, to justify their existence, have to find fault. I don’t mind feedback and suggestions but I’m not a big fan of “my job is to say bad things” (which, technically, is my job during exam time now that I think about it).

That said, this was a pretty painless observation. I don’t change what I do, although the students do behave a little better when the observer’s around. Especially after I told them the Japanese Sales Rep was a cop observing the lesson.

Halloween is Gone Before It’s Even Past But It’s Fun

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Today was Halloween and yesterday I looked around for some potential costumes. I was already too late.

I’ve mentioned before how the Japanese recognize Halloween but don’t really celebrate it. In the school where I work, a handful of us decided to go in costume to just to do something different and because one of your high school projects has the students developing their own cartoon supervillains.

Because it’s a Christian school, I decided to go as the devil and went to find a pair of devil’s horns. I started at a 100 yen shop and was surprised to find only a few decorations and little else. I couldn’t even find any masks. As a back up, I bought a toy pistol and planned to go as a police officer or a soldier.

Note: The video club at the school often run around with toy guns–I’ve even had to tell the boys 1) to never point them at me again and 2) proper stance–so I wasn’t worried about anyone freaking out.

In the end, I remembered that many years ago She Who Must Be Obeyed made a pair of devil’s horns for our youngest for Halloween. Because we still had them she lent them to me and I’m now the second generation of Lively’s to wear the devil’s horns. (Which is not necessarily a good thing, now that I think about it, and traditions are supposed to go down generations not up them. Oh, and father’s aren’t supposed to wear their toddler daughter’s clothes.)

The horns looked good on me (once again, that’s not necessarily a good thing) and I matched them with a red shirt and black slacks. My official story, when I got comments from teachers, was that on Halloween I reverted to my true form and if they were interested in being really rich or living forever or being famous blues musicians, I just happened to have a little contract they could sign.

The school priest had a great laugh and I regret not posing with him for a photo. (I also thought about going over the chapel and pretending I was blocked from going inside.)

Then, I got double use out of the horns for our annual, and now rather small, neighborhood trick-or-treat rounds. I met the kids at the door with the horns on my head and flashlight under my face.

Now I get to enjoy the leftover candy (you can have some, too. Just sign the little contract I send you…)

Working At Where You Do Not Work For

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Every now and then, I get tired of not existing.

To understand this you first have to understand that although I work at a school, I don’t work for the school where I work. Instead, I work for a dispatch company that assigns me to the school where I work.

This is a fairly common state of existence for a lot of teachers in Japan. The schools like it because someone else is doing the hiring and firing and reference checking and disciplining. If the schools have complaints, they will find at least one sympathetic ear in the form of the salesman who will quickly relay the complaint to a higher up who will pass it down to a lower down who will dump it on the teacher receiving the complaint.

This makes it easy to get rid of teachers the schools don’t like. It also puts most of the pressure on the teachers and the dispatch companies to develop all the lessons with, according to the law, little or no input from the schools.

If the teacher has a complaint, however, well, if it’s not life threatening, it will probably get dealt with eventually and until then “thank your for your hard work and cooperation and we really appreciate your effort” (translation: your complaint has already been shredded and incinerated). My company even has two layers of human firewalls whose only job is to absorb complaints and deliver bad news. (There used to be one layer, but that layer decided it needed a layer of protection as well.) The firewalls don’t have the authority to make any decisions. They simply pass messages along, or at least they claim they do, to the people who can make decisions.

Basically, I’m the English teaching equivalent of a plumber. I’m sent to a place to fix the pipes but if the clients want their pool fixed, I have to call my company and get permission. If I’m at the place for a long time, I still take orders from my company not the clients. However long I stay at the place, I’m still not part of the family, just a guy there to clean crap out of pipes.

The companies like it because they get a decent amount of money for the contract but don’t have to pay a decent amount out. As teachers, we find that the schools couldn’t care less (if they did, they’d hire direct) and the companies don’t care as long as they have the contract. The companies also like that they can change terms and conditions at their whim. (Our previous statement is no longer active and if you don’t like it, we will just cut your pay if you don’t comply. Thank you for your cooperation.)

If you don’t like it, tell it to the firewall. Someone will eventually get back to you once it’s too late to actually do anything. (No, really, I don’t work for the government.)

For the most part, because I got in reasonably early, this situation has been pretty good for me. (For example, I get full pay during the summers.) The problem I have, though, is that sometimes the clients expect to have more control and start giving instructions and the company looks the other way but if something goes wrong the clients don’t really care and the company blames me if the clients complain.