Category Archives: Work

One Slowly Fading Slowly

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I have a student who’s bored with my class. In his defense, he’s the only student in the class.

I written before about how I’m apparently too good at scaring students away from high school third year classes and how I ended up with only one student in my class and what problems that was going to cause.

Unfortunately, the predicted problems have already come true and it’s only the fourth class. It doesn’t help that the student isn’t doing his homework. Basically, the deal I offered was that I would provide material for the first hour and, if there was a writing assignment, the second hour. (Note: the classes meet once a week for two hours.) His job was to bring something to do for the second. It could be a conversation topic or an article, but he had to bring something.

I kept up my part, but he’s been slacking on his. Last week I kept him busy most of the second hour and then he wanted to talk about Los Angeles because he wants to move there. (He doesn’t seem to know it’s built on an earthquake fault line and run by morons.) This week he just stared at me as if he was surprised I expected him to do something. I reminded him he was supposed to bring something to do or talk about and he gave me the teenager shrug.

I cut his points 50%. I’ll give him one more chance to do his homework and then I’ll start giving him work to do: Essays about his favorite actors. Essays about his favorite movies. Homework to research different acting schools and write about them. Or my personal favorite: Essays about why it’s more fun to bring things you want to do than write about why you didn’t bring something to do.

I suspect once the class finds its feet and I figure out how to teach it to only one student he’ll be fine. Until then, he’d better have a pen and some paper.

Magic Blue and Magic Gray

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I have a pair of magic pencils. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

This started a few years back when I called for volunteers to do a classroom assignment and was met by crickets and groups of boys who averted their eyes in the hope it would make them invisible. I held up my pencil and said that that if there were no volunteers I’d let the magic blue pencil decide. I dropped it on my class roll sheet and announced the name of the person the magic blue pencil had chosen.

That would have been all of it except, a couple weeks later, I once again called for volunteers and my students instead requested that the magic blue pencil decide. After that, the transparent blue Pilot S3 mechanical pencil (similar to this black one) became a regular character in my class. The magic blue pencil always chose the person who secretly wanted to go next. When students protested I told them that the magic blue pencil was never wrong.

On a couple occasions I pretended to receive phone calls via the magic blue pencil. The phone call explained the students were about to do a large project. I pretended to protest and when students protested the assigment, I said they should blame the magic blue pencil. I had tried to defend them.

The Pilot S3 (top) and the UNI Kurutoga Roulette. That Kurutoga looks scary.

The Pilot S3 (top) and the UNI Kurutoga Roulette. That Kurutoga looks scary.

However, over time, the magic blue pencil got replace by a UNI Kurutoga Roulette in Gun Metal gray. The magic gray pencil looks scarier and more weapon like but is no less wise than the magic blue pencil. It always chooses the person who was supposed to go next. It’s also partly made of metal and makes a satisfying thump when it hits the roll sheet.

I recently, through a sale, acquired a Karas Kustom’s Bolt. It’s made of brass and feels heavy enough to be a weapon. It may, someday, replace the magic gray pencil.

Bolt-1

Until then, I’ll keep relying on the wisdom of the magic gray pencil. (Something like that.)

This is the Day You Knew Was Coming With a Vengeance

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In every class there’s a moment where your students find out you’re serious. In the case of first year high school students at the school where I work, after mocking any attempts to discipline or threats to fail them, they suddenly discover they are not in junior high school anymore.

Today was that day in two of my classes.

In all fairness, the classes went well right up until the moment they didn’t. When they didn’t go well the students were supposed to be rewriting and memorizing a conversation from the book. Instead, most of them chatted. In the first class when I asked for volunteers no one raised their hands so I chose a pair. One partner didn’t know what page they were on and the other hadn’t changed the conversation. This continued through a few more pairs, with one doing a passable job, until I gave them all a homework assignment. I can tell they didn’t take me seriously so I told them that anyone who hadn’t finished the homework would have to meet me after school or at lunch the day after the homework was due.

That was the first class of the day.

When I got to the last class, I warned them that their fellow students had earned homework and I’d be more than happy to give them homework. One student had failed to bring a textbook or a notebook and assured me his textbook and notebook were in his head. I told him to prove it by tearing out a sheet and giving it to me. (He didn’t, but it would have been really cool if he had.)

Once again, things went well right up until the final project. In the second class, guys were talking to people other than their partners forcing me to invoke Rule 13:

If you are talking to someone other than your partner, that means you are ready and must do your performance right away.

Four pairs ended up violating Rule 13, including the kid with no textbook. Once again, the first pairs weren’t ready and they got defiant and started reading from the text (neither had changed it as they were supposed to). I told them every time they looked at their book they lost a point. They ended up with 1 point out of 10 for the day.

The no textbook guy did badly, then he and his partner surprised me by asking for “revenge” or a chance to go again. They did much better the second time. A pair I chose at random didn’t know which parts they were reading. One of the partners got mad and didn’t understand why I was calling on him. (I told him it wasn’t me, it was the magic brown pencil. Long story.)

After he argued some more, I told him 1) he should go to an easier school or 2) he should save his textbook because he might need it again next year. He made a rude comment and I said I’d be happy to introduce him to the guys held back from previous year. They did badly.

In the end, though, enough did well to save the class and only three pairs got homework.

I can tell the guy who was rude doesn’t think I’ll actually keep him late or that he can actually fail. Poor fella. He doesn’t know me very well yet.

Revisiting Silly Newsletters with Spots of Bitterness and Anger

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Today I’m going to cheat a bit and recycle some very old material.

I’ve mentioned before how a large part of my life and writing career revolves around silly newsletters. During my closet cleaning, I stumbled across a copy of one of the newsletters I made when I was in Albania. Even I’m shocked at how angry it is.

The newsletter is called Gremlin II and features the motto “Fighting the Good Fight Against Bad People”. Being a fool I didn’t put a date on it, but I suspect that was for plausible deniability (Hey, this thing was written on the day Dwayne was in town using the Peace Corps computer. What a colossal coincidence!) However, a reference to trainees means it had to have been written at the start of our second year.

It starts with an angry farewell message from a volunteer who’d had enough and headed home. “The express purpose of the Peace Corps is to act as a glorified welfare system for third world countries and to keep inefficient middle-management Americans employed outside of the continental United States so as not to damage the American economy or capitalistic thought.”

Yep, definitely proof it’s the toughest job you’ll ever love. This person also summed up the Albanians as “They’re ANIMALS! They’re animals without teeth!” You can tell this person was ready to go home. That I ran that quote in the newsletter meant I probably had a lot of sympathy with this person at times and had been rejected by at least three Albanian women.

The rest of the newsletter was an attack on the administration of the Peace Corps. It reminded everyone that they were “not allowed to get married, divorced, drink American beer, accept candy from strangers, have sex, ride a moped, eat, breathe or shit unless a proper memo has been issued in triplicate…”

Since I wrote that, I’m sensing a lot of bitterness from me as well.

I tried to start a Money Matters column in the newsletter as a cynical way to celebrate our 450 lek (US $4.50) monthly stipend raise, but I’m pretty sure I never did.

The rest of the newsletter was dedicated to cruel insults about a member of the Peace Corps staff. These were solicited from other volunteers. I’ve included some of the clean ones:

–She’s a zombie . . . but that does imply she was once alive.”
–She’s an android. I swear I saw her scalp move.
–She’s an alien, but that does assume higher intelligence.
–She’s a victim of the body snatchers.
–She’s the world’s greatest genius undercover as the world’s most incompetent idiot.
–She’s a ridiculous petty tyrant wannabee hypocrite with a squeaky Minnie Mouse voice.
–She’s an aging starlet whose plastic surgery went horribly, horribly wrong.
–She’s a coma victim: that implies she has life, but no brain function.

Again, I think I sense a spot of bitterness there.

This, of course, was produced on government computers, printed on government paper with government ink. It was childish and cruel, but surprisingly well received even by people who actually got along with the staff member in question.

Somewhere during the two years, some of us also sketched out a Peace Corps movie and cast all the parts. I think I still have that around somewhere, but I’ll have to clean more of the closet to find it.

 

The Day Before the Day Before Vacation

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First a correction: In yesterday’s post I mistakenly called Showa Day by it’s old name Greenery Day. I’ve edited the post to correct that.

Although my students have a half day of classes before their holiday begins, most of them today acted like they were already on holiday.

I kind of joined them.

This coming week three Japanese national holidays collide in an event called Golden Week. They consist of Constitution Memorial Day on Sunday, Greenery Day on Monday, Children’s Day on Tuesday and “Crap, Constitution Day Fell on a Sunday So Let’s Give Everyone A Make Up Holiday On Wednesday” Day (not it’s real name).

Although the holidays are awesome, my students mentally enter holiday mode right after Showa Day. It’s even worse that this Golden Week this year is a five day weekend for me and a four day weekend for my students.

Today they were noisy and spent a lot of time talking in Japanese. Some of them didn’t bother doing the assignments and a couple of them tried to sleep. The worst were the high school 1st year students (10th graders), many of whom have never had me as a teacher before. As such, they are woefully unaware that 1) I really will give them homework over a major holiday and that this will happen because 2) I am a vindictive bastard.

This is especially true before a holiday. I get a break and I never have to actually read the assignment I give. I only have to collect it and mark is as “done” or “zero”.

Luckily, a few of my students had me as a teacher in junior high school and they let their new, naive friends know what things I am capable of. Also luckily for them, I couldn’t be bothered to think of a suitably cruel homework. (The worse ever: spell all the numbers from one to one-thousand).

Now I have to keep myself busy for the next few days. I could do a lot of writing, but I suspect I’ll just waste the time. I do this because June is coming. And June has no national holidays.

Stuffed Blind While Barely Drunk

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I’ve written before how I’ve learned to stop drinking after I’ve had too much to drink. What I haven’t learned to do, though, is stop eating after I’ve had too much to drink.

Today was the welcome party for the new teachers at the school where I work. After work I had a few hours to kill which involved me having coffee and a tiramisu at a coffee shop and doing some writing. After that it was shopping and after that a moment of ESP.

I went to a place I knew was open and stumbled across a couple colleagues. We had a couple beers and some food.

(Note: Japanese parties often have a lot of food, but that food often comes slowly. As such, I usually have a snack before I go to the party.)

Because it was “all you can drink” I set about trying various cocktails, including a fresh lemon sour (which required me to do work by squeezing the lemon and pouring it in the drink myself) and a “tomato hai” which is tomato juice and alcohol and which, thanks to soy sauce, lemon and some hot sauce I managed to turn it into something resembling a Bloody Mary. After that i switched to iced tea.

The problem was the food was surprisingly good. The restaurant’s specialty is various forms of chicken. There was chicken soup (with a creamy sauce) we had to cook ourselves and a plate of chicken bits with onion and some kind of salty black sauce.There was also an odd side trip to calamari and deep fried fish bones (which are kind of like salty crackers served with squeezed lemon).

The most addictive, though, were two dishes that resembled lemon pepper chicken which was one of my go to “I’ve been drinking” foods in Mississippi. To make matters worse, I’d had just enough alcohol to get the munchies. It’s not much of an exaggeration to say that if I’d dropped some chicken down a crack in the table I’d have eaten the table to get at it. I’d normally have ordered French fries but I’d actually had those before I went to the party.

Then, right when I was full, they brought out noodles we were supposed to cook in the remaining soup. When that was gone they brought out a small dish of matcha ice cream.

Now, the funny part is, I actually feel kind of drunk, but mostly from overeating. Tomorrow I’ll regret it, but not as much as I’d regret the hang over.

Now You Don’t Need It Now You Do But Now You Don’t Remember

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Every now and then someone asks me how I teach a particular unit in the textbook. At first, I can usually only give them a blank stare and a couple semi-coherent grunts. By the time I think of the advice I should give, they’ve already dismissed me as brain damaged and/or insane.

Sometimes when I’m teaching a class, I suddenly remember how to teach the lesson and suddenly have to change plans on the fly.

Part of the problem is I suffer from an extreme case of what I call “Actor’s Memory”. Actors memorize a surprising amount of lines and blocking over the course of months in order to be able to do a few performances (in the case of plays). There’s constant repetition and review in order to make the blocking second nature and allow them to work on the emotion behind the lines.

When those plays are over, though, the lines go away. In my case, I remember performing in the plays, and I remember a lot of the problems involved with a couple of the plays, but I only remember a few lines despite spending two months saying them.

I suspect this stems from a kind of compartmentalization of memory. I needed the lines when I needed them and reserved a portion of my brain for them. Once they were no longer needed, I freed up that bit of memory for important stuff like Bloody Mary recipes and movie lines. In some cases I forgot the lines within days of the play finishing, even when I only had a few lines.

This also applies to computer related stuff and visa renewal tasks. I study how to do something and then spend time doing it but then a year later I’ve forgotten what I did and have to study it all again.

In the case of teaching, I try to remember what I did but it’s not until I’m actually up performing that my lines begin coming back to me. That happened this past week when I suddenly remembered the activity I’d done the year before and started doing it.

Granted, I’ve written all this stuff down but just staring at the script doesn’t bring back the blocking, so to speak.

Also, sometimes I just forget where I put the notebook.

 

The First Week Ain’t Nothing but Sore Feet and Attitude

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Today we finished our first week of the new school year. Now we need the weekend to recover.

The first week back after a break is weird. It’s been several weeks since we were in front of a class and we are suddenly back on our feet. In my case, I move around the classroom a lot and my feet are sore from all the sudden walking (in new shoes, no less). We also spend a lot of energy planning and having meetings and, for some of us, getting the new people up to speed.

It’s also hard to get back in the groove in front of the students. Teaching after a break is not like falling off a bicycle (something like that). Each class is different and the plan that worked well with one class got disrupted by a little jerk in another and by the teacher having too many carbs for lunch in yet another. In once class some of the students get the jokes, in others they weren’t listening closely enough to realize the teacher was speaking.

It’s also hard to get into the teaching rhythm early in the year as there are a few national holidays coming up (starting next week, actually). Breaks get filled up with busy work and our legs are still trying to find the path from one room to the other. In my case I’m doing boring stuff like talking about rules while at the same time trying to give the impression that English is interesting and fun to people who mumble in Japanese about how they can’t understand my English.

As I mentioned yesterday, in first year high school classes (10th grade) we are also dealing with students who haven’t had time to recover from junior high school anything goes mode.

That said, it’s good to be back in front of students. It’s also good knowing one week is already past.

Always That Guy and Always That Class

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Today I asked one of my colleagues if he knew anything about a student I’m teaching. He just laughed.

That was all the answer I needed.

After all the years I’ve been teaching at the school where I work, I remaine amazed at how different one class is from the other, even in the same room. In my first year high school classes (10th grade) I’ve got one good class, one average class, and one that promises to age me at a much faster rate than normal. The funny part is that class is made up of two different sections of the same grade. (Basically about half the class is from one section and the other half from another).

The students from “the other half” are loud, sarcastic and rude. Even worse, they are confrontational. Today I was very close to throwing a boy out of class (the one I asked about) because his basic form of response involved slurping noises and raspberries and putting on a show for his friends. He was also disguising his poor English level with sarcasm and back talk (in Japanese, of course). Normally I ignore those kids, unless they drag others along, but today, when I’m explaining the class rules, I give the bad boys the attention they crave.

Some of this trouble is caused because the classes are arranged, roughly, by club, with baseball boys tending to be in the same class and soccer boys in another class. This means the classes have different moods and the bad boys have a lot of friends around to act as an audience

The other part of the problem is that only a month ago the students were still in junior high and couldn’t fail and couldn’t be thrown out of class. (Well, they can, but it’s complicated and involves other teachers. Long story.) They are still of the belief that there’s not much I can do to them.

They are wrong.

First, they can fail. At least two students were held back in 10th grade last year. One dropped out/moved on, the other chose to repeat the grade. Another student failed on attendance but managed to get himself promoted to 12th grade, albeit with lots of complicated caveats.

I can also give them lots of extra work (much of which I will mark as received but never actually read)

The students have also forgotten that my class is last period. I have all the time I need. (My record for keeping an entire class late is 25 minutes.)

At the end of class, after explaining the stick, I threw them a carrot and let them relax for the last five minutes. The bad boy asked why I hadn’t done that sooner. I told him it was because I’d had to spend so much time trying to get him to shut up. If he’d been quiet, they would have been able to relax sooner.

There Can Be Only One And One There Is

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Sigh. Apparently I’m too good at being scary and that means I have a lot of work to do in the next few days.

A few days ago I wrote about he sales pitch I had to make for my third year high school class elective. I mentioned how we had to temper our pitch to chase out the wrong types but keep enough of the right types to have a viable class.

I didn’t temper very well, apparently as only one student signed up.

This means I have to do a lot of rethinking and revising by Monday. My class was based around acting techniques and acting exercises and it works best with a lot of people. With one it will be possible to do a monologue but extremely difficult to do a dialogue. It will also make the entire second term impossible as my students do a staged reading of one three person play and then write another as their final project.

The other problem is that even when I do have a few good ideas, it doesn’t take that much time for one person to finish the activity and leave me with lots of time to fill. (I had the opposite problem when the course jumped from six students to 14 a few years ago.)

Oddly, this phenomenon affected my other colleagues as well. Another teacher got only one student; a second teacher got only five; and a third got 15 for a class about music. This is a huge surprise as the teacher is actually likable and music classes usually attract almost twice that number of students. There wasn’t much love for the foreign staff this year as we gathered only 22 students between us.

I have a few ideas about what to do and I suspect a lot of videos and discussions of acting decisions will be involved. (I’m imagining watching scenes of the different Jokers from the Batman movies and talking about the differences.)

At least I’ll only have two exams to mark this year. I’ll just have a lot of work before that.