What Happened Was Real But A Falsie Was Involved

One of the strangest incidents I ever saw in Japan involved a baby and a fake boob.

A group of us had gone to Takadanobaba, which is one of the few areas in Tokyo that could be described as a college town, for a night of Guinness and fish and chips at a soccer bar. Oddly, the soccer bar abruptly changed into a dance club starting at around 10:30 or 11:00. We fled as soon as the trance music started (and they started talking about cover charges).

On our way back to the station, we walked into a shouting match involving a woman, a man, and a baby. (The baby was actually the best behaved of the three.) The woman was clearly high on something and the man seemed to be trying to get her to leave and she was having none of it. Then a police car arrived and the police joined in the arguing.

At some point, the police decided they’d had enough and tried to put the woman in the car. Despite being fairly petite and wearing a mini-skirt and high heels, she responded with a pretty good fight. At some point in the fight one of her falsies fell out of her bra and ended up on the sidewalk. After a few minutes, she ended up in the car.

The police then tried to interview the man. In the mean time, we were wondering if we should give the baby a jacket because it was pretty cold outside. We were also wondering if we should report the falsie.

At this point, the woman started kicking the inside of the cop car prompting one of the police to let her out of the car where the fight seemed to reset back to the beginning.

We were transfixed and wondering what was going to happen. A second police car drove up and an officer in a much more serious looking uniform arrived. He had the most perfect “are you shitting me?” look I’ve ever seen. Within about a minute, he assessed the situation, gathered all his policemen into their vehicles and drove away leaving the couple to fight it out on their own.

The couple finally disappeared down into the subway station, but they left the falsie on the sidewalk. (They took the baby, though.)

(Alas, this was pre-smartphone, or this scene would have been a viral video.)

We never learned what the fight was about. And we never learned the fate of the falsie.

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