I’ve written before about how little annoyances can slowly wear on you when you live overseas. Now I see that a tube strike in London has put a swarm of amateur cyclists in the streets and this has reminded of two regional annoyances here in Japan: Bumping into people and people on bicycles trying to kill you and your family.

The former seems unique to the Joetsu area of Niigata Prefecture. When I visited Takada Park for cherry blossom viewing, I had five different people bump into with me within the first 60 feet of entering. I’m not talking light bumps or just brushing against me, I’m talking full on shoulder to chest collisions followed by looks of “What the hell?” from both parties involved (although my look was more “What the f@#k are you doing?”) Keep in mind this was pre-smartphone so the colliders actually lifted their eyes to recognize I existed.

I also had a man collide with me while he was walking and talking to his friend in Itoigawa. I saw this one coming a half block away and delivered the devastating blow myself; which, in retrospect, kind of makes me the jerk. in my defense, we were against a wall and I couldn’t get out of the way, not that I would have because I was in a hurry to catch a train and my pizza was getting cold. (I try to be a good person; really, I do.) I’m sure he had an interesting story about the foreign jerk who ran into him.

Keep in mind, I’ve walked the streets of London during new year’s bachanalia and the streets of New York during rush hour and never been bumped into once. In Japan it may actually be a park-related thing as even in the Tokyo region, I’ve had people bump into my camera tripod when I had it slung over my shoulder during a photo walk.

I don’t know if it’s putting their focus on the cherry blossoms whilst moving and not focusing on the direction their moving or if there’s a vague sense that, whatever they’re doing, it’s my job to move.

In Tokyo, though, the enemy is people on bicycles. I’ve been hit several times, especially from behind, by people who feel that ringing the bell on their handle bars is either absolution from sin or a license to kill. Part of the problem is that in Tokyo people feel inclined to cycle on the sidewalk, now matter how narrow the sidewalk is.

That said, size doesn’t always matter, so to speak. After She Who Must Be Obeyed moved to Tokyo, we were walking toward the station to have dinner. Along the way we crossed over a canal bridge. We were against the rail and there was a good three meters of sidewalk between us and the road. Despite this, a woman on a bicycle decided ringing the bell gave her permission to pass between us. At the last second, right as I jumped out of the way, she finally turned toward the open area. She hit me first then swerved away and hit She Who Must Be Obeyed.

I responded with great maturity by shouting at her and stomping on her spokes and threatening to throw the bicycle in the canal. Luckily, She Who Must Be Obeyed convinced me it was probably a bad idea. I told the woman she should get her moronic f@#king ass on the street where it f@#king belonged. (No really, I DO try to be a good person.) I then realized I should probably check and see if my pregnant wife was okay. (She was.)

Once every couple of years, the news reports on police efforts to rein in people on bicycles. They ticket them for running lights and riding on sidewalks. I sit back with a bowl of popcorn and cheer.