Although I’ve never had any fear of speaking in front of groups of people, for better and for worse, I hate learning something new with people around. This is especially true of anything vaguely fitness related and/or language related.

This is part of an odd perfectionist streak that, when combined with a shocking ability to make excuses for not doing something, makes me a procrastinator without peer. In my most out of shape period, I couldn’t exercise if anyone was around, even my wife, especially as I could barely do two pushups at that time. Rather than see that pathetic level of fitness as a motivator, I let my embarrassment make excuses and talk me out of doing it. Once I got to a less pathetic ten, I could finally do them with people around, although I still preferred not to.

With language learning, I’ve never been able to do anything remotely resembling self-study–that’s worse if I’m in earshot of anyone. In Niigata, I used to have to go to the office for a few hours on Fridays and most days in the summer. Whenever I tried to study Japanese, I always had a horde of people around me watching what I was doing. Also, I’m not comfortable just sitting there and practicing the words. Even when I’m by myself, sitting down and writing and rewriting verb tenses whilst carefully repeating them works only until it’s actually time to use the language. At that point, the over-thinking panic sets in, brain lock occurs, and I have a hard time remembering what I studied.

Oddly, this is not true if I’m working with a teacher. I’ve never had problems doing karate moves during lessons, although I have a hard time practicing the moves at home with the family there. It all feels silly and I have to field “what are you doing?” questions. Also, I find that practicing defenses and attacks without another person isn’t that helpful because there’s no way to know if I’m doing it wrong. (See, I told you there were excuses.) I learn languages best in structured classes with teachers who know what they’re doing.

The best times I had for practicing new stuff used to be when the girls went away for the summer and I stayed home to do training or just spend time recharging. When they came back, I was ready to do stuff. Now, I have to steal moments after every one’s asleep or while they’re at the library. When I was trying to get back into shape, I used to do pushups in the kitchen with the lights off because I didn’t want to wake up She Who Must Be Obeyed. (Note: Our bedroom is near the kitchen and, for no reason whatsoever, has a translucent window.)

A lot of this applies to trying new hobbies as well. I can’t set up photo equipment or make a video or even practice sharpening knives if the girls are nearby. (In my defense, walking about the house with knives is probably pretty weird. Ah, another excuse.)