One of the hardest walks to make in this life is the walk into the house of your possible future in-laws to receive their approval, blessing and/or open contempt/hostility. This is an especially difficult walk if 1) it’s going to occur in another language and 2) you’ve been keeping your relationship secret.

In my case, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I had been dating for several months before she showed my picture to her parents. The reaction, according to her, was a heavy sigh from her father. His major concern was if I’d stay in Japan or not, especially if the relationship became more serious. I was delighted by this as my ex-girlfriends typically had  much larger lists of major concerns than that.

Eventually, I had to make the walk and introduce myself. I entered the house and took off my shoes and was pleased no one passed out or chased me out. I was then directed down the hallway. I took two steps and stopped next to an open pit that covered the entire width of the hallway and was too wide to step across. I remember thinking, “Wow, letting me in only to drop me in a pit is cold; way cold.” They kept gesturing “go on, go on” but I didn’t go on until they explained it was the winter home of their koi and what looked like an open pit actually had a thick glass cover. I still didn’t go on until She Who Must Be Obeyed stepped on it and survived.

We then had the awkward gathering in a Western style backroom where we sat on opposite sofas while Mother and Father of She Who Must Be Obeyed put on looks of inscrutable contempt and skepticism that the Japanese have perfected. They offered the usual pleasantries and I gave them the usual personal information. Then they offered me chocolate cake. After nearly being killed in a pit, I was pretty sure I was about to be poisoned, but I decided to risk a bite. I then discovered that the real purpose of the cake was to test if I ate like a human or like an animal.

The question was answered when I dropped a bite of cake on their carpet.

I apparently showed the proper level of remorse and I was 1) allowed to live and 2) allowed to keep dating their daughter. Eventually I’d be taken to dinner with the entire family for a test of my ability to eat large amounts of food. Oddly, and surprisingly for those who know me, I almost failed. But that’s another post.