Only once in my life have I made a person eternally grateful by merely moving rather than by leaving. The other person involved wasn’t quite as happy, but everyone nearby was.

A few years back I used to teach a night class in a nearby town and although it wasn’t that far away, the timing prevented me from going home before I went to the class. Instead, I would roam around and window shop and/or drink coffee.

One afternoon, after a particularly bad day in school I was feeling cranky and, as luck would have it, I managed to get a seat on the train. In fact, I not only got a seat, I got the coveted “Seat At The End Of The Bench” which would allow me to lean on something other than the person next to me if I fell asleep.

However, as I sat down, a shaggy haired woman who looked to be maybe in her early 20s caught my eye and, although I know this is ugly, you could see the crazy. She declared–several times–that my seat was hers, even though there were other seats available.

Now, although I consider myself reasonably chivalrous and will give up my seat if there are no others available, I’m not the kind of person who believes you should get the seat you want simply because you want it, especially if others are available and especially if I’m in a bad mood. At that moment, therefore, Crazy met Cranky and I gestured to an open seat.

She started shouting “It mine!” “It’s mine! It’s mine!” (in Japanese of course) and then let out a bloodcurdling shriek (similar to this but hers got louder) and started beating the sides of her head with her fists.

Cranky hit 11 as sympathy hit 0 and I told her to f@#k off and was getting ready to tune her out and read a book but at that moment I noticed the conductor was staring at me and even I could smell his fear. Sympathy went back to 3.  I nodded and stood up. Crazy sat down and you’ve never seen a person as happy as that conductor was in that moment. Everyone nearby seemed relieved, too.

Crazy then took offense to me standing near her and to everyone staring at her. I said something less than polite, in English, about how if she didn’t want attention she shouldn’t act like a crazy bitch over a seat on the train. (Cranky had reached 11.1 at that point.)

I moved to a different part of the car and at the next stop the conductors were switched and the one I’d made grateul gave me a series of grateful bows.

I eventually got a seat. Crazy got off the train somewhere, but I’d stopped paying attention by then.