Author Archives: DELively

Strangers Get to Enjoy the Stench

Because I have no sense of smell, I tend to be paranoid about how I smell to other people.

Except today. I didn’t really care today.

I had some running to do today, but nothing that would bring me in contact with people I considered terribly important.

Because of that, I headed in to the world with out a shower (or a shave). This included a trip to the post office to send ink and a trip to the next station to get a haircut.

After the haircut, as I left a trail of cut hair, I headed to the “big city” to do some banking. This involved pushing some buttons on an ATM and then walking across the street to a different bank. To summarize: withdraw money, deposit in different bank. Why I have to do this involves Japan’s occasionally goofy banking system. (It says a lot that the most convenient bank is run by the Japanese Post Office.)

Somewhere in there I sent some emails, got rejected for a writing job and ate too much. (Note: the rejection came after the eating too much.)

After I came home I finally found the time to bathe. My family was happy.

Doubts of the Doubtful

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One of my new students has his doubts about me, and has expressed them to sales staff.

A complaint after one class is a record, even for me.

His complaint is that he can’t understand me very well. Of course, as I pointed out to the staff, if he could understand me very well, he wouldn’t need the class.

I suspect he won’t complete the course. He runs a small business and is not taking the course as the first step of going to school outside of Japan. If he’s taking it to improve his English, he’s probably in the wrong class as it’s a college prep class designed to help the students pass all necessary exams, not an English class to improve speaking.

He also doesn’t seem to be there to meet people, if you know what I mean, although it is reasonably target rich environment (of women and men) so to speak.

That said, once I explain stuff, he does the work, but I can tell he has his doubts.

If he sticks with the course, he’ll find himself getting used to my in class blather. Everyone has trouble early on, especially as all the teachers push their students to see how well they’ll do.

Until then, I’ll blather on.

Ghostbusters (2016) Review–Some Parts Need Moving

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Took our youngest to see the new Ghostbusters today (after she watched the original) and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie as poorly served by its trailer as this one. It’s a much better movie than the trailers, especially the first one, made it seem.

That said, in my movie watching experience, the usual signs of doom for a movie, besides delays, directorial changes, last minute editing, and deliberate lack of preview screenings are usually:

1) The cast talks about how much fun they had making the movie (translation: we all hated each other and the movie is wacky);

2) The cast talks about how amazing an experience it was to work with such great professionals (translation: we really, really fucking hated each other);

3) The cast attempts to pre-disaster the film by condemning those they think won’t like it as too unsophisticated to understand it and/or racist/sexist. (Translation: This sucker is going down in flames and we need a scapegoat and a way to rally some people to see the movie by pretending it’s under attack.) (Note: A related tactic that said haters were unpatriotic was used to promote American Sniper.)

The first Ghostbusters 2016 trailer was terrible. To claim that thinking so makes the viewer sexist is denial and/or projection.

The movie is also badly served by its first 20 minutes which is a shocking compendium of odd timing, odd editing, and unfunny jokes about attitudes toward the Irish, PT Barnum and elephants. There are also fart jokes.

Stake put in the ground: girls can’t do fart jokes right, only boys can.

Second stake put in the ground: this is not necessarily a great thing for boys to be able to do.

Eventually the movie finds its timing and is a lot of fun once it does. I liked the cameos from the original cast, including Slimer, the Stay Puft marshmallow man and the late Harold Ramis. I also forgive the “I will save you, my friend” moment at the climax. That said, a real physicist would know that her arms would rip off if she tried to save someone the way she did.

As a knife guy I liked that one of the problems was solved with a pocket knife.

I also liked that “Ghostbusters” was a nickname given by the press and that it was only adopted by Chris “Thor” Hemsworth’s Kevin because he could never remember the company’s actual name was “Conductors of the Metaphysical Examination.”

The main problem I have is a feeling that the movie’s miscast. Kristen Wiig should be the mayor (which is already funny: New York City with a female mayor! It’s too sophisticated and progressive for that!). Or she should have been Mayor Bill Murray’s assistant. Either way, her Hugh Grantian/Nathan Thurmian stumbling speech shtick would be funny as she attempted to explain the incidents away by first saying they didn’t actually happen. (What? Slime? What slime? I don’t s-s-s-see, do you see? Is that, slime? Who says that that’s, that that’s slime? Are you a scientist? I know that’s slime. What, what makes you think I don’t know that?)

Melissa McCarthy should have been the villain. She was brilliant in her brief moment of possession. I liked her more in that scene than I did Neil Casey, the actual villain, at any point in the movie.

Hemsworth should have been the tour guide at the haunted mansion at the beginning before becoming receptionist. Since both characters make the same kinds of stupid mistakes, they might as well be the same character. Also, since the job interview scene from the trailer where Kevin says he doesn’t believe in ghosts didn’t actually make it into the movie–a fact even my 11 year old noticed–Kevin could have been recruited because of his experience at the mansion and his shocking good looks.

Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon should have been the core of the ghostbusters as they are the only ones who seemed to understand what kind of movie they were in. They both played six feet off the ground (higher than most of the ghosts) and were the only ones I believed as ghostbusters. McKinnon is believable as someone who tinkers with unlicensed nuclear lasers and then lets the person with the longest arms test them.

I do wonder if it might be more useful to develop proton packs that fire from the shoulder rather than from the hip as it might save some wear and tear on old theaters.

Jones’ Patty is the practical one who walks into a room filled with mannequins, says “Okay, room full of nightmares,” and then wisely backs the hell out.

I can recommend this version of Ghostbusters, and it’s worth seeing in a theater, but it’s not worth the $18 I spent here in Japan. See it when you can get a discount and you’ll get your money’s worth.

(Note: the popcorn at the theater was only average, which automatically hurts the movie for this writer.)

Every Time Like that First Time

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Even after 27 years of teaching, in some form or another, I still get nervous before I meet a class for the first time.

It’s not a debilitating nervousness, and not even half as bad as the jitters I got before I acted in a play when I knew I needed to do something, but couldn’t decide between number one, number two or just puking.

Instead it’s more of a restlessness and periodic fits of self-doubt that manifests as a form of amnesia that causes me to forget everything I’ve learned since I’ve been teaching. I’m especially worried with a Japanese class because the Japanese tend to form permanent first impressions.

I was also warned that the class was fairly quiet and that I might have some trouble getting them to talk.

Once I got in front of the class, my improv skills took over and I started running a series of tests to see how they did.

Verdict: they are mixed levels, which is a pain, but most of them worked hard. The few who didn’t might be an issue eventually, but even they didn’t seem that bad.

I’ll find out more next class when they are supposed to turn in their first homework assignment. That’s when the real fun will start.

Crazy Japan Times Mere Blather Invasion: Summer Olympics 2016 Closing It Out

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End of Days Notes:
Brazil’s men’s soccer team earning right to remain alive: A

Drug controversies: C-

Peeing in a cup: D

Peeing near a gas station: D

Angering security guard: D

Lying about it: F

Angering entire country because you lied about it: F+ (but kind of epic, in a way)

Caster Semenya controversy: B

Caster Semenya: A

Being forced to take drugs to suppress natural advantage: F

Harrison Bergeron: A

As a guidebook for sports and government: F

Kurt Vonnegut: A

National Basketball Association players in Olympics: F

Only US team your humble editor wanted to see lose: US Men’s basketball team.

NBA refusing to do business in North Carolina over gender classification of water closets: push

NBA players participating in event with teams divided only as “men” and “women”: F

Selective outrage: F

Closing Ceremony Notes
Official Score: Automatic F

Flower chicken dancers making landmarks: C-

Complete with moving cable car: C

Almost forming Touchdown Jesus: A

Jesus: A

Couple playing with balls: C-

Jokes that write themselves: A

Not hitting the easy ones: B-

Easy ones: A

Image mapping Brazil’s flag on glowing kids: B

Carmen Miranda dancer: A-

France’s casual cool: A

France’s Olympic uniforms in general: A

US medal ceremony uniforms: A- (hampered only by the day-glo shoes)

Canada’s closing ceremony uniforms: B
Cap bills properly curved: A
All others: F
Wearing mittens at the Summer Olympics: A

Australia: B+

Australian athlete carrying a beer: A

Beer: B+

Japan’s uniforms:
Women: A
Men: B

Return of oiled, mostly naked Pita Taufatofua: A

Topless men: B+

Almost topless women: C-

Unfair gender bias in lack of clothing: F

Shameless exploitation: B+

Sexy samba dancers: A

Being a sexy samba dancer in the Tokyo region:
Last two weeks: A+
After today: D

Your humble editor doing sexy samba:
Self image: B+
Reality: Grandpa’s having a seizure.

Great Britain’s closing ceremony uniforms: B

Great Britain Uniforms in general: A-

British athletes not having umbrellas: C-

Wearing raincoats during the parade: C-

Shoes with built-in flashing lights:
On toddlers: A
On grown ups: C

The communist jerk that invented squeaky shoes for kids: burn in hell

Portugal’s Jean Jackets: B-

US closing ceremony uniforms: A- (blue shirt only; Red B; White C+)

Ukraine’s migraine aura jackets: D

Migraines: F

A mass of “Unity” that makes it hard to see team uniforms: F

Blaming others for own journalistic failures: D-

Showing dancers instead of athletes: F

Robot doll bug-eyed dancers with fake hair: D for creepy and terrifying

Tokyo’s part of the show: A-

Yuriko Koike: A

Prime Minister Super Mario Abe: C

Sour-faced Mario: C

Money spent sending Abe and Koike to Brazil: C

Hours spent playing Super Mario: no comment

Travelling with assist from Doraemon: A

Boring hole through center of Earth: C-

Subsequent volcanoes and destruction of both Rio and Tokyo: A (for excellent movie)

The Core: F

Journey to the Center of the Earth: B-

Having a speech just when everything seems over: D

The speech going on unmercifully long: F

The speech going beyond unmerciful: F-

The speech continuing after that: <expletive deleted>

Content of speech: peace, love, unity, nature, environment, brotherhood, sisterhood, blah, blah, blah, blah blah: D for cliché.

Your humble editor’s reaction to speech: Shut the <expletive deleted> up already!

Chance your humble editor’s youngest daughter has learned a new expletive laden phrase: push

Having a second speech after first: sigh

Giving up: C

Artistic barf after speeches: C-

Mariene de Castro: A

Song: B-

Putting out Olympic flame with fake rain on a rainy day: push

Whirlygig thing behind Olympic flame: C+

Rio Olympics in General: A-

Well, with no more Olympics to analyze, that’s the end of this little invasion. Your humble editor hopes you enjoyed these updates (and have noticed the donate button around here somewhere).

Hope to see you in 2018 for the PyeongChang Winter Olympics.

Once Again, With Clumsiness and Fear

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All of us were kind of dazed. I probably showed the effects more than they did, though. They are a lot younger and care a lot less.

Today was the first day back at my Sunday job after a fortnight’s worth of holidays. Seven out of ten students showed up and I was pleased 1) that I remembered the names of the seven who showed and 2) that I remembered to show up.

The students worked hard, even though they were distracted by a speech that was scheduled for after lunch. (They went through the motions, but their hearts were full of dread for what was going to happen after lunch.)

In my case, it took me an hour or so to get my teaching legs and teaching rhythm back. (It’s not like falling off a bicycle, it takes some warming up. Something like that.)

Eventually speech time came and student confidence evaporated. Although there have been attempts to debunk/update the 1973 Book of Lists survey that ranked public speaking well above death as the number one fear, I still maintain that people fear the public humiliation of a speech more than they fear dying.

Aside: More current surveys offer a choice: Which of these do you fear most “being set on fire and having your eyeballs explode” or “public speaking”? When simply asked what they fear, I’ll bet most people still rank “public speaking” pretty high.

After the speeches, I gave them an early break and then let them choose the final topics. (Long story.) It was a pretty good day in the end, especially as I didn’t have to give a speech, only mark them.

The Creeping End of Summer

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Today was my last day to fully relax before the start of the school year, although I didn’t actually plan it that way.

I’d planned to do some running, but then the sky fell and kept falling so I decided to stay home and enjoy it. It’s not so much that I was afraid of getting wet, it was that I was afraid of being able to get somewhere but not being able to get back.

Tomorrow I go back to teaching my Sunday class and then Tuesday and Thursday I start an evening class. Then next Saturday I’m covering a class for a few weeks.

Although I’ll still have lots of days off, I’ll always have something the next day which is different than having the day off.

That said, I did get some stuff done today, although my summer projects have been spotty. (Correction: the projects have been fine; my effort has been spotty.)

All this will save me some of the end of summer doldrums, even though they aren’t that bad here in Japan because the summer holiday isn’t as long as it should be.

Eventually I’ll go back to the official day job. Soon enough, unfortunately.

Crazy Japan Times Mere Blather Invasion: Summer Olympics 2016 Another Day Another Delay

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Your humble editor has recovered from his time off and noticed a few things about the current Olympics because, thankfully, some of the athletes have decided to contribute to the column.

Focusing on mistakes and controversy rather than success and accomplishment: C

Success and accomplishment: A

10 K open water swim ending in controversy: A

The controversy being the only excitement in the broadcast: C-

Open water swimming in a large toilet: F

Watching open water swimming in a large toilet: F

Bicycle racing: A

Alien looking helmets: B-

Alien: A+

Aliens: A+ (for different reasons)

Every Alien movie after that: C-

Nuking the place from orbit to be sure: A

Making that joke right after the anniversaries of Hiroshima and Nagasaki: push

Your humble editor’s better half’s opinion of such jokes: <expletives deleted>

Bicycle elimination race: A

Laura Trott: A+

Shaunae Miller diving across finish line to win 400 meter race: A+

Spring board diving: B

Ten meter platform diving: Why is this necessary?

Ryan Lochte: A or F depending on details.

Lying to police: F

Lying about police: F

Lying about fake police: F

Odds police are lying to salvage national pride: push

Helen Maroulis: A+

Saori Yoshida: A

Japan women’s wrestling: A+

Risako Kuwai: A

Risako Kuwai body slamming her coach. Twice: A

Getting elbowed in 4X100 meter relay: F

Running against empty track to qualify: push

Allyson Felix: A

Taekwondo: A

Watching Olympic Taekwondo: B (everyone’s too good for it to be fun to watch except in slow motion.)

Kim Rhode: A+

Being first Olympian ever to medal in six straight Olympics: A

Resident Sleep Walkers

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I wasn’t the only zombie, but I was the one who had to cook.

The first day back after a long time away is not the time for serious decisions and/or work. I managed to avoid the former (and the latter, for that matter) but She Who Must Be Obeyed went to work. When she got home, I could tell she was zombified and should have stayed home.

Our oldest went to her school club and came back as a zombie. (Note: as she is a teenager, she is technically already a zombie; however, after returning from club, her zombiness was showing more than usual.)

Our youngest enjoyed being eleven by doing very little of note.

I began the slow process of unpacking and settling back in. I watched some Olympics and took a few notes and am hoping the Ryan Lochte gunpoint burglary story becomes something epic that’s worthy of a line or two and a couple grades.

I managed to cook lunch but did very little else.

The trouble is, I can only get away with that for one day. I’ll eventually have to do something useful. Eventually.

The Pause After the Storm

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We experienced every kind of weather except snow today. We did check off quite a few other boxes, though.

Today we returned home from a week at the in-laws. It was a slower time at the in-laws than usual which left me with lots of down time. This was good for the first couple days but after that I began to question my existence and/or presence. (Note: questions remain unanswered at this point.)

Luckily the local basic cable allowed me to watch a lot of Olympic competitions which gave me something to write about.

We returned through wind and rain and fog but managed to avoid most traffic delays. We also avoided Typhoon 7, which could have stopped us from travelling home.

Now we’re settling back in and gearing up for the rest of the summer. I’ll still be watching the Olympics and writing about it, but I’ve lost the awesome cable package and will be left to my own devices. I’ve already got a few notes, including another name change, but the special reports will be slowing down some.

Hopefully the Closing Ceremony will provide enough interesting fodder for a strong finish.