Author Archives: DELively

Crazy Japan Times Facebook Invasion: Summer Olympics 2016 Day 2

Early Bursts of Inspiration: A

Sustaining Inspiration: C-

Olympic Mascot Vinicius:
This is a pass/fail category with the only requirement being “Is it better than Izzy the Atlanta 1996 Mascot?”
Verdict: Pass

Name Vinicius: B-

Knowing Latin: A

Studying Latin: C

Vini Vidi Vici: A

Knowing it’s actually pronounced Wini Widi Wiki: C

Telling everyone you know it’s pronounced Wini Widi Wiki: D

Copacabana Beach: A+

Showgirls: D-

Lola: A+

Cherry Cola: C

The Kinks: A+

Barry Manilow: B-

Writing the songs that make the whole world sing: C-

Ear worms: F-

Favorite cycling phrase: Peloton

Peloton being French for “Big ass group of bikers”: B

Fake French: C-

Winning the first gold medal of the Olympics: A

USA Winning Women’s 10 Meter Air Rifle: A

Virginia Thrasher: A

Complicated Air Rifles: B-

Daisy Red Ryder BB Gun: A

Putting an eye out: D-

Hearing “I told you so” after you put an eye out: F

Thrasher Versus Lively as a last name: Victory to Thrasher

Changing name to Dwayne Thrasher: A

Dwayne as a name: B

Girls with Guns: C-

Tommy Shaw: B-

Tommy Shaw with Styx: A-

Styx: A

Styx post Tommy Shaw: F-

Music Time: Abomination

Musical references proving age: C-

Fencing: B+
Happens way too fast to be interesting.

Name “fencing”: C

Calling fencing “sword fighting”: A

Repairing barbed-wire fences: C-
Note: Your humble editor actually did that once in Boy Scouts.

Pushing your friend into a barbed-wire fence: A
Note: no comment.

Japanese bronze medals in judo: A

Japan’s opinion of winning bronze medals in Judo: F

Judo: A

Judo as Olympic Sport: C-
Too much time spent trying to grab uniforms.

Serbian rowing pair capsizing in lagoon that’s basically a toilet: B-

Swimming in a toilet: F

Trainspotting: A

Heroin: NED
For Not Enough Data

Rowing as a TV sport: B

British commentators attempting to make rowing interesting: E for effort.

More to follow. Probably.

Crazy Japan Times Mere Blather Invasion: Summer Olympics 2016 Reports

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Note: this was originally posted on Facebook, but I tweaked it slightly and decided to include it here to make up for days lost to technical errors a while back. Also may appear on my other site some day.

It’s been a couple years, but once again an Olympics is upon us and that means it’s time for your humble editor to crawl out of his suspended animation shell (i.e. internet games) and file a few reports and give a few grades.

The first thing to understand about the Rio Olympics is that the Olympic Committee, in its infinite wisdom, chose to award the Summer Olympics to a place where it is currently winter. This makes sense when you remember that the last Winter Olympics was at a beach resort.

Winter Olympics: A
Summer Olympics: A-

Opening Ceremony
All opening ceremonies are glorified half-time shows and automatically receive an F.

Giant Glowing Macrame Thing: A-

Acknowledging Slavery Existed Outside the United States: A

Slavery: F-

Depicting the Japanese “invasion” of Brazil: A

Invasions: F

The British Invasion: B-

Projection mapping: A+

The 3D Building Effects and Parkour: A+ for Awesome Plus.

Parkour: C- for “What are you people? On Dope?”

Paper Airplane World of Tomorrow Moment: D for Why?

Giselle Bundchen: A

Glowing Roller Sleds: D for ???

Capoeira: A

Doing the opening ceremony without the athletes present: D

The big dance fest at the end: C

High school dances: F

High school: D-

Your humble editor in high school: “In God’s name and under the stars what for?”

Hip Hop guy/Lorax sequence: D

The hypocrisy of having everyone fly to your country and then protesting carbon emissions: F

Hypocrisy: C-

Virtue signaling in lieu of action: F

Hip Hop: C

Dr. Seuss’ The Lorax: B-

Dr. Seuss: A

Green Eggs and Ham: A

Ham and eggs: A+

The March of Nations
The woman on the tricycle who led Bangladesh and a couple other countries: A

The Dick Tracy Villains following each contingent: C

Albania: C Suits and skinny ties. Meh.

Albania: A

My life in Albania: C+

My friends from Albania: A

Germany: F for WTF?
It has become increasingly clear that, at this point, Germany is just trolling the haters. Shorts with leggings for men; gray mini-skirts with leggings for women? Really? Really?

Mini-skirts: A

Mini-skirts with leggings: D-

Angola: A-
The khaki plus red shoes was cool.

(Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes: A-

Elvis Costello: A

Argentina: A
for proper wear of mini-skirts.

Australia: C-
They are apparently a lost school group that can’t find their school bus.

Bermuda: B-
Liked the shorts but the jacket ruined the effect.

Burundi: A
for bringing weapons to the opening ceremony. Actual costume: C

Cambodia: C
Solid purple grapes?

Japanese guy moving to Cambodia to be on marathon team: B-

Japanese guy having to wait five years to be on the team: push

Canada: C-
Untucked shirts under boring jackets. Apparently just woke up after a beach party and gotta get to the ceremony, eh?

China: A
for proper wear of short skirts.

Communism: F

Driving tanks over your own people: F

Driving tanks over anybody’s people: F

Cook Islands:
Women: A Floral dresses and flower crowns looked great.
Men: who cares?

Korea: C+
Boring, but nice hats.

Croatia: F
for Forgot to bring checkers.

Denmark: A
for red dresses.

Lady in Red song: D-

Dancing cheek to cheek: B

Having Lady in Red stuck in your head now: F

Djibouti: A-
for proper wear of skirts even though they were all men. Fair is fair.

Slovakia: D
apparently stole Croatia’s trousers.

Cross-country Skiing in Slovakia: A

Realizing that “cross-country skiing in Slovakia” is not a euphemism for something else: push

USA: B
Boring and a bit casual, but not embarrassing.

Ralph Lauren logo that’s smaller than the moon: A

Out-cooling Canada: A+

France: B
for Boring But Better than Germany.

Georgia: C-
for the stern school mistress look.

The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia: B-

Vicki Lawrence: B-

Georgia (the state): A-

Great Britain: C-
They apparently are looking for the same school bus as Australia.

Guyana: C-
Looked too much like playing cards.

Honduras: D-
Apparently raided souvenir shop in airport on way to ceremony.

Hungary: C-
Same designer as Croatia.

India: C-
for boring. The women would have a B- if they hadn’t worn the jackets.

Indonesia: F+
Probably the worst outfit not worn by a German.

Japan: B+
Boring but not embarrassing. The red blazers are sharp.

NHK constantly cutting to the Japanese team instead of letting your humble editor analyze uniforms on non-Japanese countries: F

NHK coverage before Japanese team came out: A

NHK: D-

Italy: B-
for boring, but chic. We expect more from you, hence the minus.

Jordan: A
The red keffiyehs with the navy blazers looked good.

Madagscar: B Odd stripes, but it worked.

Mexico: B-
Great colors, bad scarves.

Norway: C-
Warning, prolonged exposure to jackets may trigger seizures.

New Zealand: C-
Boring but not funny boring.

Netherlands: A+
Probably the best uniform. Subdued versions of their flag colors looked great.

Panama: F
for no hats.

Portugal: A
Patched jeans look, nice jackets. What Canada could have been.

Kenya: Flag A. Uniform B.

Best national flags:
Kenya
Albania
Barbados
Jamaica
Nepal

Runners up:
India
South Korea

North Korea: B-
but liked the striped ties that looked pink at a distance.

Shooting missles at your neighbors: F

Repressive communist shit holes: F

Romania: B-
Cabin attendant chic, but nice colors.

Russia: A-
Suffered from a bit of Dalton Academy Warblers chic, but one of the rare cases where the men looked better than the women.

Bowties: B-

Doping: F

Glee: A- (first two seasons) then D.

Sweden: C+
Soccer dads and Disco dancing queens. (Or maybe Mafioso and Moll.)

ABBA: A

Dancing Queen: A-

Having the time of your life: A+

Having Dancing Queen stuck in your head: F

Switzerland: B-
Chic look ruined by glowing shoes.

Taiwan: C
Should have stolen Switzerland’s shoes to match their shirts.

Stealing shoes: F

Stealing anything: F

Czech Republic: A+
Nailed the stripes. Also liked the hats and short skirts.

Tonga: B
Didn’t rock the skirts as well as the men from Djibouti.

Pita Taufatofua: B+
You’ve already won the Olympics AND the internet but, damn, dude, lay off the body oil.

Brazil: A
Short dresses, hats, just enough color. Did not embarrass selves in front of home crowd. (Hey, this ain’t the World Cup.)

Hopefully, from now on, your humble editor will be able to watch some actual sports.

Once Upon an Olympic Year

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When I was a kid, the Olympics were an event. Now, they’re mostly an excuse to write comic summaries.

I suspect there are a couple reasons for this. First, when I was a kid, an Olympic year occurred only once every four years, always during a US Presidential election year. The year opened with the Winter Olympics, and then the Summer Olympics provided distraction in the summer right before the party conventions and the general election campaign. (This was in the era before primaries became something to cover on TV.)

The year ended and you didn’t have to think about the Olympics for another four years. Because of that, the Olympics were a huge event.

Then, in the early ’90’s they switched to an Olympics every two years. This seemed to suck the energy and interest out of them. Bringing in professional players also hurt. When Michael Jordan originally refused to go to the podium because he’d have to wear a logo that wasn’t his regular sponsor, you could feel the Olympics die a bit. Wrapping himself in a flag and draping the flag over the logo just made it seem even more petty.

Making things worse, television coverage, at least in the USA got crappy. When I was a kid the network that got the Olympics actually showed the Olympics. All day. As a result you got to see odd sports such as archery and air rifle and the equestrian events.

Now, because there’s more money involved, the networks focus mostly on big money sports: sprints, basketball and gymnastics in the Summer Olympics; hockey, figure skating and alpine events in the Winter Olympics. Granted, the Winter Olympics is smaller with fewer events, but the Summer Olympics is huge and there’s a lot more to watch. Anything that’s not a big money sport gets relegated, if you’re lucky, to a secondary channel you hope your cable provider carries.

As if that’s not bad enough, US TV coverage usually involves lots of talking heads and interviews and music laden features telling us how hard a star athlete has worked to get to the Olympics. Then they cut to the athlete’s race and follow that up with more talk. You end up with several minutes of sport, dozens of minutes of talk and dozens of minutes of commercials.

Luckily, I’ve not had to see US coverage for a couple decades. Japanese Olympic coverage has its own quirks, and some sports can only be found by “roundabout” methods, but that’s another post.

At the Mercy of Stores and Rules

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I ordered a couple ink bottles on behalf of a customer. The order went through with no problems and I’m pleased to say it hasn’t been cancelled yet. I won’t believe I’ve ordered the ink until I’m actually holding it.

Because stores that carry custom inks are trying to preserve their inventory for reasons mentioned yesterday, I’ve found that I’ve had odd encounters with the stores. I also can’t help but think that what the stores are attempting is self-defeating.

First I’ve had to order through highly detailed purchasing requirements only to discover that I didn’t actually order anything. One store, for example, offered ink in old style bottles but limited purchases to 1) no more than one bottle of one flavor; 2) no more than three bottles total (even though they had several flavors available; and 3) no more than one order per address. However, it seemed

After interpreting this I managed to get one order in hand but then waited and waited for the second. It turned out it had been cancelled because, even though I was sending to a different address, they decided it couldn’t go to the same person. I also misread the cancellation notice.

Recently I ordered inks on behalf of a customer only to find out that what seemed to be a limit of one bottle of each flavor per customer turned out to be only one bottle of one flavor per customer. I had to cancel three bottles and get only one.

Although I suspect I know what’s going on, and understand why they’d want to preserve some inventory, I find it odd that I can’t complete a set without resorting to complex legal interpretations and loopholes.

That said, I’m a buyer in a seller’s market. If it ever becomes a buyer’s market, I’ll probably be out of business.

A Story of Ink and Saboteurs

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It’s clear that the company for which I’m the main international distributor (unofficially) is out to get me.

I learned this by visiting the store.

I think I know what they are doing.

About a hundred years ago, when I was still working on my Masters, or dabbling in a Ph.D., an acquaintance who runs a used bookstore explained the trouble she was having opening a second bookstore in a different college town. Her biggest rival would visit her store and buy up all of her best books.

All those purchases gave her a temporary infusion of cash but left her with a bad reputation. It did this because it left her with hundreds of grade Z romance novels and grade Y midlist and backlist titles. New customers would browse, find nothing of interest, and leave without buying anything. They’d then go to the rival and buy the books they were interested in. They would also, presumably, spread the rumor that the new bookstore didn’t have much selection.

I suspect the company for which I distribute (so to speak) ink is doing something similar. Although they allow unlimited purchases online, and limit in-store purchases to two bottles of each flavor, they’ve clearly been limiting the amount available online.

I learned this by visiting the store today and discovering a treasure trove of flavors not currently available online. I bought a couple hard-to-find flavors and seriously pondered getting a few more. However, after counting the available bottles, I decided to take my chances/cool off the credit card.

I suspect the store is operating under bookstore logic. Keep something on hand, especially of the brand with your name on it. I’ll be teaching classes in the area starting at the end of this month. That will give me a chance to visit the store and stock up on rare flavors to sell.

I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

A Time to Loaf

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Even though I had “work” to do today, I decided to just loaf.

In the end, I did some work. I just put it off for a while.

First, though, I had to do the horrifying task of transferring items from my old bag to my new bag. This is horrifying because of the incredible amount of crap that I pulled out of my bag. Some of it was Get Home/Emergency Kit stuff that, technically, should have been useful but was actually too old to be useful. Some of it was stuff I use regularly, but I had to find a new place for it, which is often difficult. A lot of the stuff, though, was crap that had assembled since the bag was first purchased.

The horrifying thing is the way that the old stuff doesn’t fit in the new bag. Of course, for the new bag, I deliberately chose a slightly smaller bag with fewer pockets, but I was still shocked by the amount of stuff that wouldn’t fit in the new bag.

After that I loafed for a while by playing some games and binge watching a TV show that I like despite often painful flaws.

Eventually I did my “work” but I’m already counting the days (1) until the busy work stops and my actual vacation starts.

Mind you, I won’t be any more productive, but at least I’ll be able to work on personal projects and/or loaf without having to waste my time with the newest interpretation of my job.

Neither a Bug Nor a Feature

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Well, I should have just gone ahead and eaten something.

Yesterday I mentioned that my company had made a mistake by scheduling a barium test rather than a GI camera test. Turns out that wasn’t a bug, it was a feature.

It also makes me wonder how concerned they actually are about my health. Since I already know they are not, in fact, concerned about my health beyond “are you physically capable of turning up for work” all I’m left with is a belief that this was an actual attempt to harm me.

The health check scheduler dismissed what I though was a mistake with “well, the GI camera test costs extra but you can totally pay for one yourself if you want one and we’ll totally schedule it for you.”

This means I could have eaten something or could have just waived the exam at the start of the process and insisted they send me to a nearby clinic. Since the nature of the exam seems to change from year to year, I’m pretty sure I’ll be able to to that next year.

I’ll save this year’s emails and roll them out next year. Mind you, I already know what the response will be: that was then, this is now. A year later then will be now as things change again. This will happen even if the health check scheduler doesn’t change.

Either way, I’ve got two weeks to wait before I see if I’m actually healthy or not. Not that anyone actually cares.

Poked Prodded Scanned Cancelled

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Today, I cancelled part of my own health check because I’d already refused it.

Several years ago the company I work for locked its management behind security doors. Since then, there’s a been a slow drift toward a corporate culture that excludes things like “rank and file employees who actually bring in the money” and “making notes” and “listening”. (not necessarily in that order).

Last year, I was informed I had to go to a health check on a day I was supposed to teach classes. I was also informed that I’d be expected to take a barium swallow GI test and then go to school. I suggested to the scheduler that this was a bad idea and after several emails and calls ended up with a camera shoved down my throat.

This year they wanted me to miss class again and after several emails I ended up with a health check scheduled for today. When I arrived I discovered that I was scheduled for the barium swallow and quickly cancelled it.

Luckily there was good news. My blood pressure and weight were good, but I still don’t understand how a couple taps and checks from a doctor count as having been checked by a doctor. (Granted, it does count as having been SEEN by a doctor).

After I got home I contacted the company I work for about the cancelled test. I’ll be interested to see what happens.

Forms and Fitness

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Just spent part of the evening filling the paper work for my mandatory annual physical.

This normally wouldn’t bother me except that I seem to have to do it every year because the company I work for seems to send me to a different clinic every year which means I can’t use the medical history from the year before. I suspect they are either chasing discounted prices or are forgetful.

I suspect the latter because, for three years in a row now, they’ve scheduled health checks for the last few days of the term. It then follows that I point out that I will be missing a number of last classes, depriving my students of vital information about the exams.

This year that was met by the email equivalent of a huff and sigh and then two weeks of waiting while they found a date. This is an improvement, though, over last year, when they expected my colleague to cover for me in the morning and then expected me to go back to school after having a barium test.

I told them “no way” (full disclosure: the language used was actually, um, more colorful and profane than that) unless someone at the office got a barium test in the morning and then go back to work in the afternoon.

Tomorrow I’m supposed to get a tube down the throat again, but they sent me form about the barium test.

Tomorrow might be kind of interesting.

Birthday Girl, Birthday Steak, Birthday Cold

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Lately it has become a tradition on our daughters’ birthdays that we eat steak at a hamburger place that used to be a Red Lobster.

When it was Red Lobster it became notorious for poor customer service. That included long lines when there wasn’t a large crow inside (partly because they apparently had no plan for bussing tables) and misspelling our oldest’s name (and then not correcting it) when we surprised her with a birthday party there.

Eventually it closed and was replaced by a restaurant called Hamburger Koubou (or Hamburger Workshop). It’s draw is an all you can eat salad bar, that includes bread, various pasta dishes, soft tacos (or spring rolls), curry and desserts. Its specialty is hamburger steak, but we almost always get real steak instead.

We go because around their birthdays our daughters become carnivores and suddenly desire steak. We gladly take them and much too much is eaten. Since today is our youngest’s birthday, we were pleased when she decided to maintain the tradition.

The trouble is, for reasons I don’t fully understand, we get placed in the same booth which is apparently the back up raw meat storage section. The air conditioner blasts one half of the booth directly, but shows a little mercy to the other half. Mind you, this doesn’t bother me, but it annoys the girls and She Who Must Be Obeyed. We could move, but the layout of the air conditioners leaves me with little hope that there’s a warmer section.

Of course, the cold doesn’t stop us from helping ourselves to the all you can eat soft-serve ice cream.