It’s clear that there is a “vortex of suck” running through the school where I work. Luckily it only seems to exist in two rooms.

My four bad students all turned in their homework this morning, more or less on time, but they were replaced this afternoon by four different students who now have to do the same homework for the same reasons. I blame the place they sit for this. And maybe the time.

I was teaching the same part of the unit at the same time of day (last period) to a different set of students, but once again, four students were talking and not doing the work. What surprised me, and I pointed it out to them, was they were sitting in the same place as the other four students–the back four chairs of rows 3 and 4–one floor down.

I checked their books and noticed they hadn’t done anything. One wasn’t even on the correct pages. I told them they had three minutes to finish everything or they’d get home work. One student went “okay okay okay okay” in a way that meant “fuck that and fuck you” and got him a lot of laughs from other students. I said he should talk to the four boys who’d just turned in homework if he thought there wouldn’t be consequences and then dared him to say “okay” again. He didn’t.

However, although they made a very manly try, none of the four actually finished the work, even after I told everyone to check the answers at the back of the book. (At that point they could have just copied the answers.)

Instead they got the assignment to copy a page in the textbook and then translate it into Japanese. To a young man they played dumb, and I had to explain the difference between “finish everything now” and “I’m finished because that’s everything I feel like doing right now.”

I’m now wary of those seats in that place. I’l probably have to move the students and, since it’s a religious school, call in an exorcist. (For the room not the students.)

They thought I’d forget, and I’m sure they’d already forgotten. When they saw their names in big red letters, though, they started to remember.

Last week, as we were gearing up for the school festival, I mentioned how the students tended to be brain dead because school suddenly didn’t seem that important. One week ago, my last class of the day was in an especially brain dead mood and four guys at the back insisted, through constant chattering in Japanese, that they were no longer interested in my class

I called on them a few times and, after managing to finally get their attention, they couldn’t do the activity because they hadn’t actually done the activity.

At the end of class, I pulled them aside and explained their homework (copy every English word on the page into a notebook and then translate it all into Japanese). Two guys left as I spoke, one ignored me, and the one with the best English just smiled and nodded in a way that said “yeah, I get it, fuck that and fuck you.” I warned him that I’d bring them in at lunch and  after school every day until they finished if they didn’t do the homework. That got me another, as Stephen King might say, shit eating grin.

Because I had that class today, I created an announcement that featured their names in bold red letters at the top and described the homework at the bottom. (Note: I stole this “doom note” idea from a colleague). The last line was “If you forget…” and that was all. I posted the “doom note” on the blackboard in their homeroom during lunch and then went and did some other work.

When class time rolled around three of the four had the Japanese translation. Because I’ve been in a disturbingly good mood the last couple days (which still has me worried) I gave them until 8:15 a.m. tomorrow to complete the rest of the homework or I’ll start bringing them in at lunch to work on it. If they ask around, even in their own class, they’ll discover how many times I’ve done something like that.

If they don’t ask around and don’t do the work, well, at least I know what I’ll be doing for lunch.

Today was actually a pretty good day, which is odd for a Tuesday.

Today was the first full day back after the School Festival and that usually means the students are either brain dead, distracted or both. I therefore was expecting the worst.

Then, my first period class actually did the work I assigned them and did it quietly. Granted, my worst student wasn’t there as he has apparently taken my “You don’t have to be here” speech to heart and has decided not to attend class any more. I hope that’s not the case as I know he can do the work, he just chooses not to.

Surprised by that, I got ready for my worst class. As expected, they were pretty bad and the guy who had to stand up last week did nothing but project attitude and got to stand up again when he decided to sleep. However, in the end, everyone did the assignment. Granted, there was lots of cheating going on but in the end everyone come up front and did a speech. They even memorized their speeches and got bonus points. Mr. Attitude actually came up and did his speech.

At that point I was thoroughly freaked out and convinced that something bad was bound to happen. It had to. If my worst class was good, they had to be offset by someone else being bad. If not, the universe would spin off out of balance.

Luckily I had classes after lunch when the exhaustion and stress of being back would set in along with a rush of after lunch energy followed low blood sugar and that would trigger the bad things and help me be less freaked out.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. My fifth period class was noisy but good. Only a couple students tried to annoy me, but they didn’t try very hard.

Sixth period I did have some noisy students, but was able to get them to do work and, all in all, it was a good first day back.

I therefore headed home with a certain amount of dread. If the train didn’t crash it would mean that tomorrow would be terrible especially as I’ll have some bad students to deal with.

The train didn’t crash.

I was in an odd mood today. I wasn’t angry or cranky and I wasn’t impatient. I was just confrontational in a very calm sort of way.

My first class went well, but I had a couple students try to cheat on the assignment. I saw Student A copying from a completed paper. When I confronted him and his partner they tried the “play dumb and pretend the teacher is dumb” tactic by saying the paper that was being copied actually belonged to Student B. The problem was they couldn’t explain why they had three papers for two students and why Student B’s paper hadn’t been turned over to the correct side to do the writing. I assigned them to memorize it (which was not part of the original assignment) and told them to meet me in the teachers’ office at 1:00 p.m.

They didn’t show up, which means it’s time for me to go hunting and have a little fun.

Then I had my worst class, and they started out bad. Students stayed out in the hall after the bell, other students sat in the wrong seats. I gave them fair warning and got laughs in response. I then went to the hall, grabbed the biggest student by the shirt and dragged him to his chair. This prompted the other students to hurry a bit. (Note to teachers: if you’re going to get physical, take out the biggest guy first and the rest will follow.) Then, during the warm up, a few students refused to ask me questions, thinking they could somehow win. Instead, I started the lesson and left them standing until they asked me a question.

One student stood the entire class because he thought he could out-stubborn me and/or that I would forget. (He can’t and I didn’t.) Another student fell asleep and after I woke him up, he got to stand, too. (I did let him sit, though, after he finished his work.)

After that class things settled down a bit. Mostly because I didn’t have any classes until after lunch.

After lunch the classes went well, although they were noisy (normal for Japan) and I did have to walk around a lot playing enforcer. By the end of the two classes my voice and ears felt as if I’d just spent two hours in a night club trying to talk and listen over loud music.

Oddly, during all this, I never shouted. I just got loud a couple times and acted scary. During my worst class, some students were throwing a pencil case. I looked at the student who had the case and said “Throw it again. I dare you.” He didn’t know exactly what was going on, but knew I looked angry. I repeated “Throw it again. I dare you.”  After a minute, he figured out what I was saying and I hinted that if he threw the case again, it would be mine for a very long time.

He put it away and I never saw it again.

Now I have to decide if I want to keep this mood as part of my teaching persona. If I do, I’ll have to figure out what it was the caused it, first.