Olympic Golf: C-

Golf on TV: C

Golf highlights: A

Your Humble Editor’s one attempt at golf: F

A tie for first place in swimming: A

The tie turns out to be an Olympic Record: A+

Finishing with the second fastest time but only getting a bronze medal: C-

Simone Manuel: A

Hagino Kosuke’s silver medal in swimming: A

Hagino’s final 50 meters: A+

Michael Phelps: A

Michael Phelps now owning enough gold to start own gold-backed currency: A

Gold-backed currency: A

The fact the gold medals have a silver core with gold plating: B

Kaneto Rie’s gold medal in 200 meter breast stroke: A

Kaneto’s name meaning Gold Wisteria: A

Resisting temptation to invoke Duran Duran because of Olympic host city: B

Blame it on Rio: C

Michelle Johnson: Acting: F Everything else: No comment.

Michael Caine: A

Michael Caine pronouncing his name “My Cocaine”: A

Cocaine: A+

Cocaine (white powder version): DNI for Did Not Inhale

A Taste of Rugby!: New name for Rugby Sevens (ATOR! From now on.)

Fiji’s Gold Medal in ATOR!: A

Penalty boxes in ATOR!: C

Fiji’s ATOR! Jerseys: Pattern A

Rugby shirts that look like T-shirts not rugby shirts: C

Japan playing Fiji closer than Great Britain did: A

Japan getting crushed by South Africa: D

Japan’s rugby performance in general: B+

Jun Mizutani earning Japan’s first individual medal in Ping Pong (table tennis): A

Convincing your in-laws that watching TV counts as work: C-

Work: D-