Your humble editor has recovered from his time off and noticed a few things about the current Olympics because, thankfully, some of the athletes have decided to contribute to the column.

Focusing on mistakes and controversy rather than success and accomplishment: C

Success and accomplishment: A

10 K open water swim ending in controversy: A

The controversy being the only excitement in the broadcast: C-

Open water swimming in a large toilet: F

Watching open water swimming in a large toilet: F

Bicycle racing: A

Alien looking helmets: B-

Alien: A+

Aliens: A+ (for different reasons)

Every Alien movie after that: C-

Nuking the place from orbit to be sure: A

Making that joke right after the anniversaries of Hiroshima and Nagasaki: push

Your humble editor’s better half’s opinion of such jokes: <expletives deleted>

Bicycle elimination race: A

Laura Trott: A+

Shaunae Miller diving across finish line to win 400 meter race: A+

Spring board diving: B

Ten meter platform diving: Why is this necessary?

Ryan Lochte: A or F depending on details.

Lying to police: F

Lying about police: F

Lying about fake police: F

Odds police are lying to salvage national pride: push

Helen Maroulis: A+

Saori Yoshida: A

Japan women’s wrestling: A+

Risako Kuwai: A

Risako Kuwai body slamming her coach. Twice: A

Getting elbowed in 4X100 meter relay: F

Running against empty track to qualify: push

Allyson Felix: A

Taekwondo: A

Watching Olympic Taekwondo: B (everyone’s too good for it to be fun to watch except in slow motion.)

Kim Rhode: A+

Being first Olympian ever to medal in six straight Olympics: A